PLEASE LOOK AT THE 1ST DRAFT OF MY PS!!..BE BRUTALLY HONEST

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
kristina88
Posts: 40
Joined: Fri Jan 08, 2010 6:03 pm

PLEASE LOOK AT THE 1ST DRAFT OF MY PS!!..BE BRUTALLY HONEST

Postby kristina88 » Fri Jan 08, 2010 6:49 pm

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Last edited by kristina88 on Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ConsideringLawSchool
Posts: 313
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:18 pm

Re: PLEASE LOOK AT THE 1ST DRAFT OF MY PS!!..BE BRUTALLY HONEST

Postby ConsideringLawSchool » Fri Jan 08, 2010 6:54 pm

Did not read carefully but I would definitely take out the parts that seem like an advice column. They don't want to hear about how people/lives are in general. I'd stick with you. Also, it seems more like a college application essay to me. Well written and moving but not so sure about some components

I definitely would not talk about "surviving" college while describing a battle with ovarian cancer. You also say you have survived law school. I don't get it--aren't you applying now?

Your statement really doesn't make it sound like you have more direction now than before

at the end, I'm left wondering what exactly you are trying to convey about yourself through this essay. If I can't tell that, adcoms may not get it either. All I am left knowin about you really is that you had a courageous person in your life and that you are ok with havin no direction. I don't see how either makes you a better candidate

Would usually be way nicer but you asked for brutal and I'm typing on a phone

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pamplemousse
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:52 pm

Re: PLEASE LOOK AT THE 1ST DRAFT OF MY PS!!..BE BRUTALLY HONEST

Postby pamplemousse » Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:20 pm

Is "Nanny" the name for your grandmother or just a nanny? Because if it is just a nanny i would stop capitalizing it asap. If its what you call your grandmother, then I would consider mentioning that.

I don't know enough about you in this essay. How did she help you survive through college? why was it a thing to survive in the first place? and why do you want to go to law school? You have to mention that in your PS.

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Georgiana
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2009 5:42 pm

Re: PLEASE LOOK AT THE 1ST DRAFT OF MY PS!!..BE BRUTALLY HONEST

Postby Georgiana » Fri Jan 08, 2010 7:25 pm

pamplemousse wrote:Is "Nanny" the name for your grandmother or just a nanny? Because if it is just a nanny i would stop capitalizing it asap. If its what you call your grandmother, then I would consider mentioning that.

I don't know enough about you in this essay. How did she help you survive through college? why was it a thing to survive in the first place? and why do you want to go to law school? You have to mention that in your PS.

You don't have to mention why you want to go to LS in your PS (unless the prompt specifically asks you to).

I agree on the points about "Nanny." If she was your nanny growing up, I would give her a name and make it feel more personal and less like an employee/servant.

And OP, you need to put more about you in this and make it more of a narrative and not so much an overarching "this is how I feel" essay.




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