PS Topic - Thoughts?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
ambition23
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:22 pm

PS Topic - Thoughts?

Postby ambition23 » Fri Jan 08, 2010 11:09 am

Here's another try at a PS. My initial topic was not personal in the least and I think this is more in line with what adcoms are looking for and was what I was originally going to write about. It is again a VERY rough draft, so I'm especially looking for feedback on the topic. What do you think?

The transitions (if you can call them that) are horrible or non-existent right now and the ending paragraph needs lots of work but I just want to make sure the topic is good enough before I begin really polishing it.


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revising...
Last edited by ambition23 on Mon Jan 11, 2010 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

dlee975
Posts: 35
Joined: Sat May 02, 2009 2:28 pm

Re: PS Topic - Thoughts?

Postby dlee975 » Fri Jan 08, 2010 1:07 pm

I think overall it could work. It is similar to my DS. Try to integrate yourself more into the personal statement instead of making it all about your mother and the challenges she faced. Perhaps you should be more specific in your conclusion and be more specific on what you plan to do with your law career. Why do you need to pursue a career in law to give back to your community? How you plan to help others. That's just my opinion for starters. :)

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pamplemousse
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:52 pm

Re: PS Topic - Thoughts?

Postby pamplemousse » Fri Jan 08, 2010 1:13 pm

The topic is good. I would start adding more about yourself after you talk about your mother. Showing that you are dedicated and hard working, an asset to your community. I know more about your mother than you at this point. but its a good start!

ambition23
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:22 pm

Re: PS Topic - Thoughts?

Postby ambition23 » Fri Jan 08, 2010 2:17 pm

thanks for the feedback! i added a bit more about me and rearranged a bit. better? obviously still needs lots of polishing...

i might need to simply tie it all together with an different ending paragraph. i was not trying to write a PS about why law at all and the last two sentences i started for the ending just make it confusing. thoughts?

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revising...




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