This is it...going out tommorow

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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jrobby6
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Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 10:25 pm

This is it...going out tommorow

Postby jrobby6 » Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:26 pm

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Last edited by jrobby6 on Fri Jan 08, 2010 12:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hjjs22
Posts: 30
Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:13 pm

Re: This is it...going out tommorow

Postby hjjs22 » Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:47 pm

only one typo that I could spot, you left out "the" right before the word pastor in the 3rd paragraph.

overall very good, best of luck

Neelio
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Joined: Wed Sep 30, 2009 10:21 am

Re: This is it...going out tommorow

Postby Neelio » Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:51 pm

very compelling... "my time spent in my old neighborhood" should be "the time I spent in my old neighborhood"

one of the best PS I have read on TLS.

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BruceBarr
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Re: This is it...going out tommorow

Postby BruceBarr » Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:58 pm

Really good stuff man. Good read. Now, I'm not an English major (i.e. I'm not sure if these are right or wrong), but here are a few things I saw that may be wrong? I dunno... ha. You tell me.

Those whom I believed were my friends, wanted me to engage in horrendous activities, but I could never do it.

Comma needed?


I’m not sure how to explain it but my time spent that summer had enlightened me for the better. I told one of pastors at my church about my situation and he simply put it like this “you knew a world of innocence, when you were blind; now you fear a world of terror and have opened your eyes.”

Should there be a colon or something? It seems to not flow.

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jrobby6
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Joined: Sun Feb 15, 2009 10:25 pm

Re: This is it...going out tommorow

Postby jrobby6 » Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:03 pm

I agree with all the replies thus far. I will def be making those corrections later on. Any other comments? Would appreciate some last minute criticism.




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