Where to go from here?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
thekingiv
Posts: 73
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:15 am

Where to go from here?

Postby thekingiv » Tue Jan 05, 2010 10:48 pm

Thanks for the help, everyone.
Last edited by thekingiv on Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

thekingiv
Posts: 73
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:15 am

Re: Where to go from here?

Postby thekingiv » Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:37 pm

With 33 views, I'm sure someone has an opinion. :D

All feedback is appreciated. I'm wondering whether to even stay on this topic or start from scratch again.

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BruceBarr
Posts: 279
Joined: Fri Sep 18, 2009 6:26 pm

Re: Where to go from here?

Postby BruceBarr » Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:46 pm

are you doing public interest?

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Ragged
Posts: 1509
Joined: Wed Oct 21, 2009 12:39 pm

Re: Where to go from here?

Postby Ragged » Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:49 pm

I think the whole charity thing is a highly effective topic for a PS. You are right when you say that you might be trying too hard to connect it to being a lawyer.

[strike]I see many more similarities than differences between practicing law and delivering Meals on Wheels. While a lawyer is receiving money in return, they are providing an essential service that the client could not accomplish his/her goals without.[/strike]


I would not right that. ^

The very general idea seems to be that doing charity work made you like helping people and when you are a lawyer you will be able to keep helping them. No need to draw specific parrelels - that sounds a bit childish IMO.

mattymatt
Posts: 55
Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 2:58 pm

Re: Where to go from here?

Postby mattymatt » Wed Jan 06, 2010 4:59 pm

It needs a lot of work. The common thread between your work with Meals on Wheels and how a lawyer similarly provides needed services to those who can't help themselves provides a solid foundation for a PS. You do need, however, to work a lot on really teasing out that thread--making sure that the connections are clear, and how one provided motivation for you to pursue a legal education.

While I feel that adcomms always appreciate brevity and being concise, this is a bit too short.

The first paragraph is a good start, and a few of the other sentences would provide good topic sentences for a more flushed-out version of what you have.

If you're looking for a whole new topic, U Cincinnati suggested an interesting topic choice. They mentioned writing about a historical figure, specific book/character, etc. that inspired or had a significant impact on you. It seems like that is a topic that could lead to a compelling and unique PS. Something to think about I suppose.

thekingiv
Posts: 73
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:15 am

Re: Where to go from here?

Postby thekingiv » Wed Jan 06, 2010 6:40 pm

Great advice from everyone...Thank you.

thekingiv
Posts: 73
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:15 am

Re: Where to go from here?

Postby thekingiv » Thu Jan 28, 2010 12:00 pm

*
Last edited by thekingiv on Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thekingiv
Posts: 73
Joined: Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:15 am

Re: Where to go from here?

Postby thekingiv » Thu Jan 28, 2010 11:20 pm

Would really appreciate any input. I will gladly read someone else's personal statement in return.

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zimbadimp
Posts: 79
Joined: Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:44 pm

Re: Where to go from here?

Postby zimbadimp » Thu Jan 28, 2010 11:37 pm

Its really good. i don't like the part where you say "as I understand it" not really sured why.




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