Quick Grammar Question

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landmanpat
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:25 am

Quick Grammar Question

Postby landmanpat » Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:41 am

Although I was a different person, I still possessed a deep, lingering sense of inadequacy, because I believed my past would be a portent of my future and that this second college endeavor would end up only slightly different than my first.

My question is, does there need to be a comma after "a portent of my future" or not?

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straxen
Posts: 135
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:39 am

Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby straxen » Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:45 am

landmanpat wrote:Although I was a different person, I still possessed a deep, lingering sense of inadequacy, because I believed my past would be a portent of my future and that this second college endeavor would end up only slightly different than my first.

My question is, does there need to be a comma after "a portent of my future" or not?


I had to read "be a portent of my future" three times. While technically accurate, it is a bit stuffy and verbose to me. I would simply replace it with "portend". And, no comma.

landmanpat
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Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2009 1:25 am

Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby landmanpat » Tue Jan 05, 2010 1:54 am

Thanks!

EzraStiles
Posts: 86
Joined: Sat Nov 21, 2009 3:52 pm

Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby EzraStiles » Tue Jan 05, 2010 2:39 am

+1

"that this" is just unnecessarily wordy and the sentence seems ridiculously circular as well. I'd recommend streamlining the sentence, using only the necessary words without trying to impress admissions offices. They read enough that they know how to say what needs to be said.

yeff
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Joined: Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:32 pm

Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby yeff » Tue May 11, 2010 3:51 pm

Although I was a different person


No you weren't. What do you mean, more confident?

I still possessed a deep, lingering sense of inadequacy


Still indicates that it had lingered.

because I believed my past would be a portent of my future and that this second college endeavor would end up only slightly different than my first.


Did you possess a sense of inadequacy because you thought past is prologue, or did your lingering sense of inadequacy lead you to believe you'd repeat earlier mistakes?

The direction of causation strikes me as odd. Wouldn't a general characteristic cause a specific manifestation, rather than the other way around?

Because I was confident, I knew I would succeed this time. SURE.
Because I knew I would succeed this time, I was confident. RLY?

Just my $.02

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KMaine
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Re: Quick Grammar Question

Postby KMaine » Tue May 11, 2010 3:54 pm

From another English teacher. . . some of the above advice is good.

To answer your question, no comma necessary.




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