Critique and question (only 1 page single)
Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 1:41 pm
here's a draft of my personal statement. i'm not much for editing generally (and personal statements freak me out) but sometimes my wording is awkward so let me know what you all think. also, its a very personal topic so please don't be cruel.
also, is it a weak point that i don't specifically address why i want to be a lawyer? not everyone has an "ahah!" moment that makes them suddenly realize their calling. i have good reasons but they're all boring.
another question--length? i feel like its good, do you agree?
last thing, i realize the opening paragraph and the closing paragraph might be a little bit on the corny/gimmicky side, i would greatly appreciate any suggestions as to how to minimize that.
I always used to dream that the trajectory of my life would be similar to that of a novel—filled with dramatic twists, sudden life changes, villains and saviors. It would conclude with an exciting climax, leaving every observer stunned and awed. Clearly, this vision has not come to pass. What I was dealt was not the stuff of fantasy, but a life filled with obstacles that demanded personal drive and compassion to overcome.
I was very self-aware as a child. I knew the panic attacks and general anxiety I suffered were abnormal. I also knew the constant fighting between my parents and the invalidating atmosphere in my home were damaging to me. Only later did I learn the words needed to correctly describe the situation: my father was an alcoholic, my mother was emotionally abusive, and my home environment was completely devoid of emotional support. So I delved deeply into my schoolwork at a young age, finding refuge in books and words, and I excelled at schoolwork beyond the expectations of anyone. My motivation paid off as I succeeded academically enough to attend private school on the East Coast. Going to Barnard for me was a double-edged sword: I was away from the negative forces at home which sought to starve me of my ambition, but I was surrounded by people who couldn't seem to relate to my life's circumstances. My parents, of course, didn't understand why I needed to go to a private school so far away instead of community college or a state school in California. Neither of them went to college, and though they were proud of me, the concept was mostly lost on them.
Though I was geographically far away from home, I knew I would never escape my parents, nor my love for them despite all they had put me through. Things started to fall apart between my second and third years of college—my father, who had been sober for almost three years, began drinking again and revealed that he had a drug addiction. That winter, my father took his own life. I was devastated, but I was also filled with a sense of relief, knowing my father was finally at peace after a lifetime of unhappiness. It was a cathartic moment for me, as if the pieces of my past were falling away and leaving me free to finally walk the earth as I was meant to: freely, without fear or inhibition. I had forgiven my father for his shortcomings long before his death, but it was then that I was truly able to move on from that aspect of my past.
My family is not anything I would have wished for nor will it ever be, but my experiences have shaped me into a driven person. I have been able to accomplish what I have so far out of an often terrible sense of urgency that I no longer feel. My ambition is now an asset, not a defense mechanism, and the success I enjoy in the future will be all my own doing. My past has also taught me that the most important thing in life is to show compassion and understanding to others, because it is impossible to know where people have come from and where they are going. It is this compassion and depth of understanding that has allowed me to build my own family with all of the wonderfully supportive people who now surround me., for whom I could not be more thankful.
My past self would probably be disappointed that my life hasn't been as exciting as I'd initially hoped. My life mostly lacks harrowing twists and turns, but is instead filled with nuance and depth. No character is purely good or evil, or blameless or guilty. There is no true climax or defining moment to pinpoint. And the resolution? It is quiet and satisfying, marked only by a change in myself. And I could not be more content with the peaceful path it has laid before me.
also, is it a weak point that i don't specifically address why i want to be a lawyer? not everyone has an "ahah!" moment that makes them suddenly realize their calling. i have good reasons but they're all boring.
another question--length? i feel like its good, do you agree?
last thing, i realize the opening paragraph and the closing paragraph might be a little bit on the corny/gimmicky side, i would greatly appreciate any suggestions as to how to minimize that.
I always used to dream that the trajectory of my life would be similar to that of a novel—filled with dramatic twists, sudden life changes, villains and saviors. It would conclude with an exciting climax, leaving every observer stunned and awed. Clearly, this vision has not come to pass. What I was dealt was not the stuff of fantasy, but a life filled with obstacles that demanded personal drive and compassion to overcome.
I was very self-aware as a child. I knew the panic attacks and general anxiety I suffered were abnormal. I also knew the constant fighting between my parents and the invalidating atmosphere in my home were damaging to me. Only later did I learn the words needed to correctly describe the situation: my father was an alcoholic, my mother was emotionally abusive, and my home environment was completely devoid of emotional support. So I delved deeply into my schoolwork at a young age, finding refuge in books and words, and I excelled at schoolwork beyond the expectations of anyone. My motivation paid off as I succeeded academically enough to attend private school on the East Coast. Going to Barnard for me was a double-edged sword: I was away from the negative forces at home which sought to starve me of my ambition, but I was surrounded by people who couldn't seem to relate to my life's circumstances. My parents, of course, didn't understand why I needed to go to a private school so far away instead of community college or a state school in California. Neither of them went to college, and though they were proud of me, the concept was mostly lost on them.
Though I was geographically far away from home, I knew I would never escape my parents, nor my love for them despite all they had put me through. Things started to fall apart between my second and third years of college—my father, who had been sober for almost three years, began drinking again and revealed that he had a drug addiction. That winter, my father took his own life. I was devastated, but I was also filled with a sense of relief, knowing my father was finally at peace after a lifetime of unhappiness. It was a cathartic moment for me, as if the pieces of my past were falling away and leaving me free to finally walk the earth as I was meant to: freely, without fear or inhibition. I had forgiven my father for his shortcomings long before his death, but it was then that I was truly able to move on from that aspect of my past.
My family is not anything I would have wished for nor will it ever be, but my experiences have shaped me into a driven person. I have been able to accomplish what I have so far out of an often terrible sense of urgency that I no longer feel. My ambition is now an asset, not a defense mechanism, and the success I enjoy in the future will be all my own doing. My past has also taught me that the most important thing in life is to show compassion and understanding to others, because it is impossible to know where people have come from and where they are going. It is this compassion and depth of understanding that has allowed me to build my own family with all of the wonderfully supportive people who now surround me., for whom I could not be more thankful.
My past self would probably be disappointed that my life hasn't been as exciting as I'd initially hoped. My life mostly lacks harrowing twists and turns, but is instead filled with nuance and depth. No character is purely good or evil, or blameless or guilty. There is no true climax or defining moment to pinpoint. And the resolution? It is quiet and satisfying, marked only by a change in myself. And I could not be more content with the peaceful path it has laid before me.
