Scholarship Negotiation Letter feedback?

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Jarndyce&Jarndyce
Posts: 80
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:37 pm

Scholarship Negotiation Letter feedback?

Postby Jarndyce&Jarndyce » Thu Apr 25, 2013 4:56 pm

To XXXXXXXXX
I cannot express how overjoyed I was to receive my acceptance to XXXX for the Fall of 2013. My mother was a graduate of XXXX Law and having myself grown up here XXXXX the yell of "School fightin' words" has been an invocation familiar to my lips long before I ever attended the XXXXX as an undergraduate. However, if one's law school attendance is the first test of one's mettle as a future attorney, it's a poor lawyer who takes the first deal put on the table. I may be a die-hard SCHOOL MASCOT, but I am first and foremost a practical man. I, like all of my peers, am out to get the best education possible at the lowest possible cost to myself. I have currently been offered a $75,000 merit-based scholarship from YYYYYYY of Law and a full-tuition waver from WWWWW University. WWWWWW, while an amazing school, does not offer me a strong enough avenue into big law to suit my ends. YYYYY, however, does. Given my scholarship at YYYYYY, the total cost of attendance difference between XXXXX and YYYYYY at the end of three years would be $45,000. The only proviso to maintain my scholarship at YYYYY is that I remain a full-time student.

Total Cost of Attendance:
XXXX: $53K per year x 3 years = $160K

YYYYY (with scholarship applied): $40ISHK per year x 3 = $115K

At the end of the day, STATE OF XXX is my home. I want to stay here, and I want more than anything to be able to attend the XXXXX. However, I am extremely loath to incur anymore debt than I absolutely have to. So if there is anyway you can help reduce the cost of attendance, I can assure you I would be extremely grateful and would jump at the opportunity.

My best regards,
ME!

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ArchieHicox
Posts: 108
Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 5:32 pm

Re: Scholarship Negotiation Letter feedback?

Postby ArchieHicox » Thu Apr 25, 2013 5:18 pm

I wouldn't be so brazen about this being a negotiation... I've read from interviews with Admission Deans they don't like it to seem like a buying a car situation and salesmen/customer bartering type routine. And just my experience, asking politely without the whole negotiation vibe seems to work.

I think your letter is strong with expressing desire for the school. I would switch out the language about first offer/best offer and instead say something about asking in light of other offers if the merit aid package could be reconsidered. Don't use words like offer/negotiation. Ask them to re-examine, reconsider, review again the scholarship package. I'd really strongly encourage you to lose the first deal on the table line. Other than that.... it looks good.

Jarndyce&Jarndyce
Posts: 80
Joined: Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:37 pm

Re: Scholarship Negotiation Letter feedback?

Postby Jarndyce&Jarndyce » Fri Apr 26, 2013 11:20 am

Yes, that was ultimately my decision as well. I decided to go with the safer, tried and true route. Hopefully it works!

Thanks for the feedback.




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