Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Discuss various money matters here. Loans (federal and private), scholarships, lottery winnings, or other school finance related information and queries.
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thatgumyoulike
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Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby thatgumyoulike » Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:59 pm

Deleted original letter. Thanks for the help--I used all of your suggestions.
Last edited by thatgumyoulike on Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

WahooLaw24
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby WahooLaw24 » Tue Apr 02, 2013 10:03 pm

Looks okay. I wouldn't use the word intriguing to describe the school early on. I wouldn't mention your strong numbers, they know your numbers. Just say your background makes you a good candidate or something along those lines. I also wouldn't give an exact dollar amount considering you're only basing it off of estimates to begin with. Just give a range.

Good luck!

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thatgumyoulike
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby thatgumyoulike » Tue Apr 02, 2013 10:27 pm

WahooLaw24 wrote:Looks okay. I wouldn't use the word intriguing to describe the school early on. I wouldn't mention your strong numbers, they know your numbers. Just say your background makes you a good candidate or something along those lines. I also wouldn't give an exact dollar amount considering you're only basing it off of estimates to begin with. Just give a range.

Good luck!

Thanks man! I was a bit unsure about "intriguing"--I know what I meant, but it sounds pretty amateur. Made that and your other suggested changes.

Anyone else see anything LOL worthy?

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JaviSTB
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby JaviSTB » Tue Apr 02, 2013 10:46 pm

Idk if "riskier proposition" really works for a negotiation letter. It just sounds like you're already weary of the school. And yeah, I was gonna say, don't mention your numbers or say you're strong candidate, but I got scooped. I would add, how your background might make you more inclined to some of the programs that school offers. That way it at least looks like you took some time to consider them instead of just writing the letter after you saw the amount. Overall, seems pretty good. A little rough, but editing should fix that.

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thatgumyoulike
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby thatgumyoulike » Wed Apr 03, 2013 12:32 pm

Deleted first revision.
Last edited by thatgumyoulike on Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

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JaviSTB
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby JaviSTB » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:35 pm

Better, I would omit the "potential offers from a few similarly ranked schools" and just say you're still waiting on some other offers. Also, I don't think it's necessary to include the "as well as loan interest (I used the Georgetown Financial Planning Calculator)" for the sake that it doesn't add anything, really. Also, right that you wish for them to reconsider or re-evaluate your merit aid, that way it doesn't immediately scream that you just want more money
Last edited by JaviSTB on Thu Apr 04, 2013 12:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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thatgumyoulike
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby thatgumyoulike » Wed Apr 03, 2013 4:49 pm

JaviSTB12 wrote:
Better, I would omit the "potential offers from a few similarly ranked schools" and just say you're still waiting on some other offers. Also, I don't think it's necessary to include the "as well as loan interest (I used the Georgetown Financial Planning Calculator)" for the sake that it doesn't add anything, really. Also, right that you wish for them to reconsider or re-evaluate your merit aid, that way it doesn't immediately scream that you just want more money.


Good call. Thanks again. I PMed you.

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Rev. Cherrycoke
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby Rev. Cherrycoke » Wed Apr 03, 2013 5:34 pm

I wouldn't flat out tell them that you want your merit aid increased. Ask them to reconsider their offer in light of your financial concerns while emphasizing that you want to go there. Also, I would include specific reasons why you want to go there (i.e. name some clinics or programs you're interested in and let them know how important being one hour away from family and friends would be). Simply using their employment numbers doesn't communicate a genuine interest, IMO.

Finally, you should mention the point of your e-mail (a possible reconsideration of their scholarship offer) at the very beginning.
Last edited by Rev. Cherrycoke on Thu Apr 04, 2013 4:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Big Dog
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby Big Dog » Wed Apr 03, 2013 11:34 pm

absolutely horrible approach, IMO. (And without competing offers from "peer" schools, a total waste of time.)

Why should they care whether you like their school? This is a negotiation; they give you money, and for what? You need to make a sale to them? WHY should they give YOU money over another candidate? What do YOU have to offer them to make it worth their time.

Don't insult their intelligence by telling them their numbers...they know with certainty what they are.

Mostly curious if mentioning exact debt numbers makes me look informed or ridiculous


The latter.

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thatgumyoulike
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby thatgumyoulike » Thu Apr 04, 2013 4:38 pm

Update: Thanks all! I received an increased offer from the school.

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JaviSTB
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Re: Scholarship negotiation letter: suggestions?

Postby JaviSTB » Thu Apr 04, 2013 4:45 pm

congrats, man




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