Proofread my Scholarship Negotiation Please?

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LegalNugget

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Proofread my Scholarship Negotiation Please?

Postby LegalNugget » Tue Feb 19, 2013 6:36 pm

This is my first attempt at negotiating scholarship. Any advice/input would be greatly appreciated. ####= the school im applying to.



I was extremely honored to see that I received the Dean's Merit-Based Scholarship. The offer is greatly appreciated and not taken lightly.

I however am writing this to discuss the possibility of dropping the stipulation I have attached to my award which requires I maintain top 50% class ranking. Although this sounds very doable given the amount of effort I plan on putting forth, I still have certain reservations.

For one, Law School is obviously an unpredictable experience. As confident as I may be, it would be foolish to assume success with absolute certainty . Also, I have heard all the horror stories of class stacking and subsequently large numbers of scholarship holders losing their money. I am in no way insinuating this happens at ####, just that I have heard of its existence in general.

I have also been admitted to xxx, yyyy and zzzz law as well. I have calculated that If I were to lose my scholarship at #### following year one, the following two years would be nearly the same in price as xxx would be for all three years. yyy has offered me a total scholarship of $20,000 with no stipulation. zzzz has offered a total scholarship of $81,000 with a similar stipulation (top 1/3). Although #### ranks highest in its own right in many fields, the other schools are in general more nationally recognized.

If ### would be able to drop the stipulation attached to my scholarship, my decision would become much clearer. I have friends and family who attend/attended ####, and I grew up in (city close by). I would love to stay in the local area, but I must make a decision based on numbers as well. I look forward to hearing back from you and to attending the Scholars Retreat soon as well.

Thanks you for your time,

Me

nickb285

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Re: Proofread my Scholarship Negotiation Please?

Postby nickb285 » Tue Feb 19, 2013 6:49 pm

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Last edited by nickb285 on Sun Jul 16, 2017 5:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LegalNugget

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Posts: 13
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Re: Proofread my Scholarship Negotiation Please?

Postby LegalNugget » Tue Feb 19, 2013 7:10 pm

Doh' on the doable and capitalization! Very quick draft. Thanks a lot for the other peieces of advice, they will be used in the second draft.

fallingup

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Re: Proofread my Scholarship Negotiation Please?

Postby fallingup » Thu Feb 21, 2013 12:31 pm

I would drop this paragraph entirely. It's a minefield.

For one, Law School is obviously an unpredictable experience. As confident as I may be, it would be foolish to assume success with absolute certainty . Also, I have heard all the horror stories of class stacking and subsequently large numbers of scholarship holders losing their money. I am in no way insinuating this happens at ####, just that I have heard of its existence in general.

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holdencaulfield

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Re: Proofread my Scholarship Negotiation Please?

Postby holdencaulfield » Thu Feb 21, 2013 2:46 pm

LegalNugget wrote:
I was extremely honored to see that I received the Dean's Merit-Based Scholarship. The offer is greatly appreciated and not taken lightly.

However,
I however am writing this to discuss the possibility of dropping request that the stipulation I have attached to my award which requires I maintain top 50% class ranking be altered to merely require that I maintain good academic standing. Although this sounds very doable given the amount of effort I plan on putting forth, Simply put, I still have certain reservations because, although I have excelled in academics in the past, I realized that getting top grades in lawschool is anything but guaranteed.

For one, Law School is obviously an unpredictable experience. As confident as I may be, it would be foolish to assume success with absolute certainty . Also, I have heard all the horror stories of class stacking and subsequently large numbers of scholarship holders losing their money. I am in no way insinuating this happens at ####, just that I have heard of its existence in general.

I have also been admitted to xxx, yyyy and zzzz law as well. I have calculated that If I were to lose my scholarship at #### following year one, the following two years would be nearly the same in price as xxx would be for all three years. yyy has offered me a total scholarship of $20,000 with no stipulation and zzzz has offered a total scholarship of $81,000 with a similar top third stipulation (top 1/3). Although #### ranks highest in its own right in many fields, the other schools are in general more nationally recognized.

If ### would be able to drop the stipulation attached to my scholarship, my decision would become much clearer. I would very much like to attend ###. I have friends and family who attend/attended ####, and I grew up in (city close by). While I would love to stay in the local area, but I must make a decision based on numbers as well carefully consider all risks and the possibility that, if the stipulation is not removed, I may be forced to incur significant student loan debt. I look forward to hearing back from you and to attending the Scholars Retreat soon as well.

Thanks you for your time,

Me



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