New York Law School changes?

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New York Law School changes?

Postby areyouinsane » Wed Aug 17, 2011 8:56 pm

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Re: New York Law School changes?

Postby BackToTheOldHouse » Wed Aug 17, 2011 8:58 pm

areyouinsane wrote:This is interesting:

What? You mean these changes:

New York Law School was founded in an abandoned warehouse in Lower Manhattan circa 1997 to serve the emerging field of temporary document review, also known as “contract attorney” work or “coding.”
Recently the school earned the ABA’s first-ever CDRTC designation- Certified Doc Review Training Center. In conjunction with the NALP (National Association of Lawyer Placement), the ABA conducted a “straw poll” of schools with, as outgoing ABA president Carolyn Lamm put it, “special emphasis on supplying heavily indebted, supplicant individuals who will work 19 hour days performing Biglaw’s electronic discovery.” NYLS topped the poll by a wide margin, sending as many as 84% of its graduates directly from law school into temporary contract work at AmLaw 100 firms. The term “salary” was subsequently eliminated from the school’s employment metric in US News, as over 90% of NYLS grads are paid hourly wages without health insurance or any semblance of job security. Rates range anywhere from $14 an hour for entry level, all the way to $32 an hour for those with exotic foreign language skills such as Flemish, or fluency in those weird clicking noises made by African tribesmen.
To celebrate this nascent distinction, Dean Richard “Tricky Dick” Matasar recently sold the law school’s facilities on Worth Street and relocated the institution to a formerly abandoned underground parking garage. Luckily for NYLS, several late 1990s grads had been “squatting” in the facility long enough for the school to color an adverse possession claim and take legal title to the garage.
“We felt the lack of sunlight and severe temperature fluctuations added an additional layer of preparation for document review,” Dean Matasar was quoted as saying. “As doc review typically takes place “off site” in broom closets, basements, furnace rooms and such, we felt this move provides an excellent ‘in the trenches’ experience for our students.”
NYLS has long been at the forefront of electronic discovery education. In 2009, the school took a radical step and eliminated the traditional first-year curriculum of torts, civil procedure, contracts and property, replacing them with doc-review software platform training. To pay for this conversion, the school rasied tution to an eye-popping $45,000 a year. A first-year at NYLS can now look forward to being trained in Summation, Concordance, Ringtail, and other Citrix-based review software. The legal writing program was replaced with a course on inexpensive take-out food menus and “99 cent store nutrition,” both important study areas for future Biglaw temps.
In a move that rocked the legal world, NYLS recently began awarding food-stamp applications in lieu of diplomas. In addition, the school offers “affordable” CLE classes on important document review topics such as suicide methods, food bank shopping, constructing tent shelters, and maps/direction to free clinics and soup kitchens.
“We want our young doc reviewers well-equipped to survive in the NYC area on $21 an hour, Matasar said from his plush office at Access Group, a predatory loan-shark operation with collection powers a Mafia don could only dream of. Matasar serves as Chairman of this “organization,’ which supplies a bottomless pit of high-interest, non-dischargeable private loans to NYLS students.
The school’s name is an interesting story in itself. For those grads who desired employment outside the NYC area, it was imperative that a name be chosen that might hoodwink non-NYC employers into thinking it was a more prestigious, well-regarded facility as opposed to a mere “diploma mill.” Several possibilities were floated, among them the “Larry M. Cardozo School of Law,” the “Columbine Law School,’ and the simple “Forham,” which merely deleted a crucial consonant.
Ultimately, “New York Law School” won the day, as it offered the maximum amount of bogus “prestige,” and the school’s downtown Manhattan location further bolstered the ruse, as does the “encouraged” resume abbreviation “NY Law School.”
The role of Indian outsourcing in doc review doesn’t worry NYLS, as its grads work so cheaply that “sending work offshore really makes no economic sense,” said Matasar. “Just yesterday, we posted an ad for an unpaid doc-review internship and had to call NYPD for crowd control assistance,” the dean said. He added that the school encourages local Biglaw firms to offer rock-bottom doc review wages to recent grads, as “the added interest and penalties due to our student’s loan defaults are good for Access Group, and what’s good for Access Group is even better for my wallet.”
Recently, the school also launched an LLM concentration in Insurance Defense & Personal Injury Law. This one-of-a-kind program prepares students for the abject disappointment of earning less money than Allstate claims adjusters, most of whom have at best a high school diploma. Other topics include Cut n’ Paste motion practice, begging for adjournments, and how to juggle 600+ files a week while moonlighting as a stripper

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Re: New York Law School changes?

Postby auntjulia » Thu Aug 18, 2011 12:42 am

lmao. It's very 'Onion-esque,' areyouinsane. Well done.

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Re: New York Law School changes?

Postby Bronx Bum » Fri Aug 19, 2011 9:11 am

"Luckily for NYLS, several late 1990s grads had been “squatting” in the facility long enough for the school to color an adverse possession claim and take legal title to the garage."


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