Recommendations for scholarship letter Forum

[droges]

Editing this post per glewz's advice

[HyeMart]

no need to kiss ass man, theyre after you now

this is too long, you dont need more than a paragraph and you won't get a repy more than 2 sentences.

[bdubs]

Do you have any leverage? Having better offers from similar schools or admissions to schools in another tier might make this easier. This letter just begs for more money and indicates that you have no other options that satisfy your requirements.

[droges]

I mean I applied late so I dont have offers from peer schools. My only leverage is that I really have no problem taking a year off and reapplying to BC and other schools.

[bdubs]

I mean I applied late so I dont have offers from peer schools. My only leverage is that I really have no problem taking a year off and reapplying to BC and other schools.

Ask for a non-binding deferral of your acceptance in your letter. Say you would like to reapply, work, retake, whatever to improve your chances for merit based aid at both BC and "peer" schools next year.

[flexityflex86]

no need to kiss ass man, theyre after you now

this is too long, you dont need more than a paragraph and you won't get a repy more than 2 sentences.

This is incorrect - you need to show legitimate interest in the school - schools know some street smart kids will negotiate a bigger scholly to then use to negotiate with the school they really want. They also want to know they'll get you. Scholarship $ is their secret weapon.

I think your letter is strong, but you should show more interest in BC itself. I understand you want Boston, but right now I'd think you just couldn't get into Harvard or BU. I might always think that, but at least open up the convo, and tell them what you aspire to do while at BC - i.e. why they should take you.

Point to consider: Talking about how you need to support your wife and kids never helps you negotiate more $. Nobody gives a shit about your wife and kids, and you don't give a shit about their wife and kids. You do what's best for you. They do the same. Make them think it's best for them to give you more $.

[droges]

probably not the best idea to have my entire letter on a public site where it could be viewed by the admissions comittee

[flexityflex86]

OP: Can you point to a more specific, less generic reason that you want that school?

A clinic, group, etc. you'd want to be a part of?

I think scholarship letters are kind of like LOCI's just with less showing off about yourself.

[droges]

In the letter I reference BC's Community Economic Law Group. Should I make that more of a central point or place more of a linkage between myself and its mission?

[JamMasterJ]

This draft is updated, a little less ass kissing with greater emphasis on compatability.

Dear Admissions Committee,

Thank you for my admittance into the Boston College Law School class of 2014 and the subsequent scholarship offer. I am honored to have received this award and recognition. Having lived in Boston for over three and a half years and completed my undergraduate studies at Northeastern University, I would very much like to attend graduate school in the region and eventually become a practicing attorney in the Boston area. Though I have been presented with this opportunity, for which I am grateful, I must consider the several other factors affecting this decision.
The scholarship offer I have received is generous and would reduce my debt burden but upon graduation I would still be faced with substantial debt. I am personally responsible for financing my graduate education and the thought of graduating with this level of debt in such an uncertain economic environment is daunting. Consequently, I have considered either waiting to reapply next cycle in the hopes of receiving a larger offer, or possibly attending another school where my debt burden would be smaller. Most important, Boston College would provide an environment, onecentered on community service and civil responsibility with a long tradition of Jesuit ideals, which would allow me not only to learn the law but be engaged through special initiatives. Personally, after tutoring underprivileged high school students from Dorchester, this is reflected greatest by the Community Economic Law Group.
As a result of these factors, I respectfully request a consideration for greater merit based aid which would make this decision far easier. This request is by no means intended to disrespect my current offer for which, again, I am honored. I just ask that my circumstances be considered becausethe granting of a larger scholarship would be the next step allowing me to satisfy my career aspirations and personal goals.

Sincerely,

the bolded is not a sentence and the strucktrough should be omitted

[flexityflex86]

In the letter I reference BC's Community Economic Law Group. Should I make that more of a central point or place more of a linkage between myself and its mission?

the latter. make that its own paragraph.

i agree with jam master's corrections. i know you think you're trying to be polite, but i think the professional reading it will think it's annoying. don't beat around the bush. these are confident successful professionals. as long as you don't say something offensive, they aren't going to get offended. my bet would be they are much more prone to find things irritating than obnoxious.

[glewz]

droges, make sure you erase these posts when you're done.