Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

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Neidermeyer519
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Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 12:20 am

Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

Postby Neidermeyer519 » Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:26 pm

This is my first draft of a scholarship negotiation letter. I just wanted to get some feedback from my fellow TLSers on anything that I can do to make it better. Thanks so much.

Dear [____],
I was ecstatic to learn about my acceptance into [___] School Of Law, as it is at the top of my list of potential law schools. I was very impressed with what I learned when I toured the school with you, most of all how [___] emphasizes practical training that will more than adequately prepare me for a career in law.

When I read the acceptance letter, I was touched by the sincerity of the hand written note at the bottom. I would also like to thank the admissions committee for the generous merit scholarship that I was awarded. As the first person in my family to graduate college, it is an honor to have been awarded a scholarship for law school.

As I do not anticipate being eligible for need based grants, the availability of merit aid will play a critical role in my decision. I have already accrued over [___] of student loan debt while financing my undergraduate education, and I am trying to minimize the additional debt that I will incur from law school. Thus far I have been offered scholarships from [___] for [___] per year, [___]for [___] per year, and [___] for [___] per year.

While [___] remains my absolute top choice, the debt that I have accumulated as well as the lack of any financial assistance from my family requires that I give serious consideration to these offers. That being said, I would like to request to be considered for additional merit aid. The additional funds would greatly help to make my decision easier, because [___] is where I want to be.

Thank you very much for taking the time to review my request. I look forward to hearing back from you soon. If you should have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

FiveSermon
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Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 6:56 pm

Re: Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

Postby FiveSermon » Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:29 pm

Is it actually your absolute top choice? If it isn't I wouldn't say that.

But other than that it seems fine.

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blacklawboss
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Re: Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

Postby blacklawboss » Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:32 pm

FiveSermon wrote:Is it actually your absolute top choice? If it isn't I wouldn't say that.

But other than that it seems fine.


Very true, otherwise a clear cut and concise letter.

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Neidermeyer519
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Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 12:20 am

Re: Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

Postby Neidermeyer519 » Tue Mar 08, 2011 2:36 pm

It is my top choice. Thanks for taking the time to read it. I really appreciate it.

legendkiller
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Dec 01, 2010 2:52 am

Re: Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

Postby legendkiller » Tue Mar 08, 2011 6:51 pm

Very well written--very obvious you want to go there(mentioning it as a top choice is a good thing). As well, it is clear you have done your research up on the school.

Overall very good letter--honestly would not change a thing. Your letter reads very well and seems very sincere
Best of luck!

CanadianWolf
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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Mar 08, 2011 7:45 pm

Very well done.

P.S. It's so genuine that you might get donations from TLS readers if you include an address. :D

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Neidermeyer519
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Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 12:20 am

Re: Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

Postby Neidermeyer519 » Tue Mar 08, 2011 8:18 pm

Haha thanks. I'm really wanting to make sure I do this right, since this is the school I really want to end up at.

Anything else you would throw in or should I just leave it as is? Also, would you scan copies of the award letters from other schools or just wait and see if they ask for them?

Leo_Law
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Joined: Mon Jan 17, 2011 9:20 pm

Re: Please review my scholarship negotiation letter

Postby Leo_Law » Tue Mar 08, 2011 11:13 pm

Assuming you are talking about the school we have discussed in PM, no, I don't think it is necessary to scan copies of the award letters. PM if you want more info.

Neidermeyer519 wrote:Haha thanks. I'm really wanting to make sure I do this right, since this is the school I really want to end up at.

Anything else you would throw in or should I just leave it as is? Also, would you scan copies of the award letters from other schools or just wait and see if they ask for them?




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