Diversity Statement Final-Thanks everyone Forum
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Anonymous posting is only appropriate when you are sharing sensitive information about bar exam prep. You may anonymously respond on topic to these threads. Unacceptable uses include: harassing another user, joking around, testing the feature, or other things that are more appropriate in the lounge.
Failure to follow these rules will get you outed, warned, or banned."
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sashafierce
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- Joined: Sun Aug 04, 2013 11:44 am
Diversity Statement Final-Thanks everyone
Thank you for the input everyone
Last edited by sashafierce on Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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DiniMae
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Re: Please help make my Diversity Statement better (Updated)
Hi. My suggestions: Condense the first 2.5 paragraphs into one small one. Extrapolate on why it was important for you to have your own identity and to "overcome" your family's norm. There seems to be a big gap in the story; you go from a long discussion of background to "I made it out" and discussions of perseverance. What did you do to persevere? As a reader, I don't know. The focus should be on you and not your mom, dad, and teachers.
Also, the ending seems to not fit -- being nonjudgmental seems to come out of left field. I assume that relates to your mom's drug addiction, but it could be your dad or siblings too -- it is unclear. Or does that have something to do with any lessons learned or actions taken in your "overcoming"?
Also, I would use learned instead of learnt.
Also, the ending seems to not fit -- being nonjudgmental seems to come out of left field. I assume that relates to your mom's drug addiction, but it could be your dad or siblings too -- it is unclear. Or does that have something to do with any lessons learned or actions taken in your "overcoming"?
Also, I would use learned instead of learnt.
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sashafierce
- Posts: 459
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Re: Please help make my Diversity Statement better (Updated)
Thanks, I actually had a few sentences about what exactly I did but deleted them because I wanted to make my DS shorter.DiniMae wrote:Also, the ending seems to not fit -- being nonjudgmental seems to come out of left field. I assume that relates to your mom's drug addiction, but it could be your dad or siblings too -- it is unclear. Or does that have something to do with any lessons learned or actions taken in your "overcoming"?
Thank you for the feedback!DiniMae wrote:There seems to be a big gap in the story; you go from a long discussion of background to "I made it out" and discussions of perseverance. What did you do to persevere? As a reader, I don't know. The focus should be on you and not your mom, dad, and teachers.
