Diversity Statement Final-Thanks everyone

[sashafierce]

Thank you for the input everyone

[DiniMae]

Hi. My suggestions: Condense the first 2.5 paragraphs into one small one. Extrapolate on why it was important for you to have your own identity and to "overcome" your family's norm. There seems to be a big gap in the story; you go from a long discussion of background to "I made it out" and discussions of perseverance. What did you do to persevere? As a reader, I don't know. The focus should be on you and not your mom, dad, and teachers.

Also, the ending seems to not fit -- being nonjudgmental seems to come out of left field. I assume that relates to your mom's drug addiction, but it could be your dad or siblings too -- it is unclear. Or does that have something to do with any lessons learned or actions taken in your "overcoming"?

Also, I would use learned instead of learnt.

[sashafierce]

Also, the ending seems to not fit -- being nonjudgmental seems to come out of left field. I assume that relates to your mom's drug addiction, but it could be your dad or siblings too -- it is unclear. Or does that have something to do with any lessons learned or actions taken in your "overcoming"?

Thanks, I actually had a few sentences about what exactly I did but deleted them because I wanted to make my DS shorter.

There seems to be a big gap in the story; you go from a long discussion of background to "I made it out" and discussions of perseverance. What did you do to persevere? As a reader, I don't know. The focus should be on you and not your mom, dad, and teachers.

Thank you for the feedback!