Diversity Statement Final-Thanks everyone

(BLS, URM status, non-traditional, GLBT)
User avatar
sashafierce
Posts: 454
Joined: Sun Aug 04, 2013 11:44 am

Diversity Statement Final-Thanks everyone

Postby sashafierce » Tue Jan 13, 2015 4:45 pm

Thank you for the input everyone :)
Last edited by sashafierce on Wed Jan 14, 2015 3:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
DiniMae
Posts: 734
Joined: Sat Sep 14, 2013 6:36 pm

Re: Please help make my Diversity Statement better (Updated)

Postby DiniMae » Wed Jan 14, 2015 6:42 am

Hi. My suggestions: Condense the first 2.5 paragraphs into one small one. Extrapolate on why it was important for you to have your own identity and to "overcome" your family's norm. There seems to be a big gap in the story; you go from a long discussion of background to "I made it out" and discussions of perseverance. What did you do to persevere? As a reader, I don't know. The focus should be on you and not your mom, dad, and teachers.

Also, the ending seems to not fit -- being nonjudgmental seems to come out of left field. I assume that relates to your mom's drug addiction, but it could be your dad or siblings too -- it is unclear. Or does that have something to do with any lessons learned or actions taken in your "overcoming"?

Also, I would use learned instead of learnt.

User avatar
sashafierce
Posts: 454
Joined: Sun Aug 04, 2013 11:44 am

Re: Please help make my Diversity Statement better (Updated)

Postby sashafierce » Wed Jan 14, 2015 2:28 pm

DiniMae wrote:Also, the ending seems to not fit -- being nonjudgmental seems to come out of left field. I assume that relates to your mom's drug addiction, but it could be your dad or siblings too -- it is unclear. Or does that have something to do with any lessons learned or actions taken in your "overcoming"?


Thanks, I actually had a few sentences about what exactly I did but deleted them because I wanted to make my DS shorter.

DiniMae wrote:There seems to be a big gap in the story; you go from a long discussion of background to "I made it out" and discussions of perseverance. What did you do to persevere? As a reader, I don't know. The focus should be on you and not your mom, dad, and teachers.


Thank you for the feedback!




Return to “Under Represented Law Student Forum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider], ConLaw2017, Torres1893 and 2 guests