Please Critique! DS

(BLS, URM status, non-traditional, GLBT)
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Please Critique! DS

Postby avd90 » Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:03 pm

Last edited by avd90 on Wed Jan 11, 2012 10:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Please Critique! DS

Postby tfcorso » Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:08 pm

Redundancy - Puerto Rican mother twice in first two sentences. Suggest leaving "Puerto Rican" out of the first sentence, making the reader question why your grandmother didn't approve of the marriage, which is answered in the second sentence. I'll read more later. Just wanted to say that before I forgot because I've got to go run an errand.

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