Please critique my DS?

(BLS, URM status, non-traditional, GLBT)
User avatar
plenipotentiary
Posts: 616
Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:13 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby plenipotentiary » Fri Nov 05, 2010 11:21 am

This needs some tweaking/polishing, but it serves the purpose of a DS. I would cut all the things about Michael, because they're irrelevant. Start like this, "Growing up in xxxxx, I was the only black child in my school. At times I felt like the entire world was white." I think that's a nice beginning.

User avatar
yngblkgifted
Posts: 1049
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2010 8:57 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby yngblkgifted » Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:19 pm

Ck3- Thanks for the comments and critique.


My original statement was a PS- I added my realization of racism and tried to twist it into a DS. The Michael story was initially intended to show, like you said, that I wanted to protect the powerless in society.

plenipotentiary wrote:This needs some tweaking/polishing, but it serves the purpose of a DS. I would cut all the things about Michael, because they're irrelevant. Start like this, "Growing up in xxxxx, I was the only black child in my school. At times I felt like the entire world was white." I think that's a nice beginning.


Thanks for the comments. I'm having reservations about starting my statement off with a sentence about being the only black child in my school and that my social environment was all white. I hate to bring up this theme again...but isn't that too ...well....unoriginal? :|

I do want to mention that at some point in the statement because, like CK3 said, there is a huge difference between being in a mostly white school and town and being in an ALL white school and town. That may set me apart from more black applicants than I had originally thought - but my first sentence? I'm worried that admission officers may read that first sentence and say, "here we go again"

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

Michael story in/out? change it? I really appreciate these comments and discussion points.

User avatar
plenipotentiary
Posts: 616
Joined: Fri Sep 17, 2010 11:13 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby plenipotentiary » Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:26 pm

yngblkgifted wrote:Thanks for the comments. I'm having reservations about starting my statement off with a sentence about being the only black child in my school and that my social environment was all white. I hate to bring up this theme again...but isn't that too ...well....unoriginal? :|

I do want to mention that at some point in the statement because, like CK3 said, there is a huge difference between being in a mostly white school and town and being in an ALL white school and town. That may set me apart from more black applicants than I had originally thought - but my first sentence? I'm worried that admission officers may read that first sentence and say, "here we go again"


There is nothing new under the sun. It doesn't have to be original. It has to be well done.

I think it's important that your DS not project your ambivalence about the idea of a DS.

User avatar
yngblkgifted
Posts: 1049
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2010 8:57 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby yngblkgifted » Fri Nov 05, 2010 12:59 pm

plenipotentiary wrote:
yngblkgifted wrote:Thanks for the comments. I'm having reservations about starting my statement off with a sentence about being the only black child in my school and that my social environment was all white. I hate to bring up this theme again...but isn't that too ...well....unoriginal? :|

I do want to mention that at some point in the statement because, like CK3 said, there is a huge difference between being in a mostly white school and town and being in an ALL white school and town. That may set me apart from more black applicants than I had originally thought - but my first sentence? I'm worried that admission officers may read that first sentence and say, "here we go again"


There is nothing new under the sun. It doesn't have to be original. It has to be well done.

I think it's important that your DS not project your ambivalence about the idea of a DS.


Gotcha. Ambivalence protected :wink:

HopefulGrad
Posts: 6
Joined: Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:27 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby HopefulGrad » Fri Nov 05, 2010 1:24 pm

Personally, I think that your diversity statement is average. While It could be written better, I really did like the fact that you started out about your friend Michael. If you can connect Michael to your later experiences successfully, the essay will be a poignant one that sticks with the adcomms.

One thing that stood out to me above all is your experience as being an African-American in RURAL America. Many people on this board and applying to law school will discuss being AA in an urban setting or a suburban setting. They will address the serotypes that we see in the media and in our daily lives. You have a DIFFERENT perspective entirely. While you may have been surrounded by Whites, there are other socioeconomic factors that change your story entirely. I would focus on that.

User avatar
LAWLAW09
Posts: 303
Joined: Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:09 am

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby LAWLAW09 » Fri Nov 05, 2010 1:35 pm

ck3 wrote:I like the story about Michael because I think you can use it to develop a theme that you see the law as a way to protect the rights and the treatment of the less powerful in society.


I think that your experiences being the only white child in a school, though not unique, is an honest part of what has made you who you are. I also think that it is far far different to be a black student in a mostly white school, than it is to be the only black child in a white school. So you can bring a perspective of being able to assimilate into that atmosphere even though you were the only of your kind. This is not a unique experience but I would think that there are not a large number of black applicants to an individual law school who have experienced being the only black person in their school....

I would not take the dare of writing a statement about what law schools mean by diversity. It would be different and interesting but your goal is to get accepted and to get scholarship money and you might not accomplish that if you are too controversial or confrontational. However, I could see that such a statement could grab the interest of some very thoughtful admission committee members and it may set you apart from the pack, but I would not chance it unless I had really high stats to go along with it.

Blessings to you.



Well said.

Good luck to the OP.

andedom
Posts: 59
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:59 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby andedom » Fri Nov 05, 2010 1:59 pm

yngblkgifted wrote:
plenipotentiary wrote:
yngblkgifted wrote:Thanks for the comments. I'm having reservations about starting my statement off with a sentence about being the only black child in my school and that my social environment was all white. I hate to bring up this theme again...but isn't that too ...well....unoriginal? :|

I do want to mention that at some point in the statement because, like CK3 said, there is a huge difference between being in a mostly white school and town and being in an ALL white school and town. That may set me apart from more black applicants than I had originally thought - but my first sentence? I'm worried that admission officers may read that first sentence and say, "here we go again"


There is nothing new under the sun. It doesn't have to be original. It has to be well done.

I think it's important that your DS not project your ambivalence about the idea of a DS.


Gotcha. Ambivalence protected :wink:


If you could craft your ambivalence towards the DS in a way that showed your intellectual curiosity without sounding too controversial, I think you would have a winner. But that's very hard to do, so you should probably just do a normal DS if ou are going to do it.

User avatar
yngblkgifted
Posts: 1049
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2010 8:57 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby yngblkgifted » Sat Nov 06, 2010 3:07 pm

Thanks for the critiques. I'm still not sure If I should take the Michael story out or not. Quick Question- doesn't a DS have to be no more than one page usually? If so, I better take out the Michael story.

howardsbest
Posts: 57
Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2009 3:24 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby howardsbest » Wed Nov 10, 2010 12:55 pm

This was DS.

Hope it helps.

As one of four children, I was forced to learn quickly. My mother was a single parent and expected me to help put food on the table. I did not live in the best neighborhood. Employment opportunities were slim and education was an option but not a priority. However, my mother saw it differently. While other children were outside playing or getting into trouble, I was working. I got my first job at 10 years old working at a car wash. My mother knew that working would keep me too busy to be in trouble. I learned the value of hard work from my position at the car wash. But, hard work could not teach me all the lessons I needed to learn. When I asked my mother why I couldn’t be like other children, she told me so that when I received a real opportunity I would take it. I knew the real reason was because my mom could not afford to take care of us, but the message stuck -- education was my opportunity.

As the first in my family to attend college, I was charged with creating the standard of excellence within my family. My mother could not afford a higher education for me, but this did not stop my pursuit of one. I applied for every grant and scholarship that I could. My credentials were good enough to afford me several scholarships. With the help of scholarships and student employment I was able to finish undergrad in four years. I was starting a new tradition in my family based on moving forward through education. XXX University gave me the foundation to do this. I gained a unique education from XXX-- not only academically, but culturally. XXX taught me to care for the global community no matter what cultural differences were present. Attending XXX has taught me to embrace my past experiences to create a better future.

Someone once told me that repetition is the father of learning. My mother was not able to provide everything I needed. She did however; repeatedly stress the importance of education. I learned from her repetition that I could strive and succeed to be something better through education.

Webster’s Dictionary defines diversity as; [being] composed of distinct or unlike elements or qualities. My life experiences have been distinct elements that have helped to shape my perspective. I have not had the opportunities afforded to most in post secondary education. I have however; fought to gain experience and knowledge to prepare me for attending law school. My background and understanding will allow me to contribute a diverse and unique perspective to XXX School of Law.

User avatar
yngblkgifted
Posts: 1049
Joined: Sun Apr 25, 2010 8:57 pm

Re: Please critique my DS?

Postby yngblkgifted » Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:27 pm

deleted




Return to “Under Represented Law Student Forum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: jg072012, youngwarrior and 1 guest