Help me edit my first draft

(BLS, URM status, non-traditional, GLBT)
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Sashicola
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Help me edit my first draft

Postby Sashicola » Tue Feb 09, 2010 10:56 am

...
Last edited by Sashicola on Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ilovethelsat
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby ilovethelsat » Tue Feb 09, 2010 5:25 pm

Sashicola wrote:As i glance over at the clock i realize its almost 6:30am the time of the day when most of our clients on the west coast are beginning to come online and the only sound you can hear in the office is the clacking of my boss's and I laptop keys as we validate through each server to make sure the servers are all operational and up to code


If you don't know the difference between "it's" and "its," then you don't belong in law school.

I'm not trying to be rude or sarcastic.

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Zapatero
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby Zapatero » Tue Feb 09, 2010 5:34 pm

ilovethelsat wrote:
Sashicola wrote:As i glance over at the clock i realize its almost 6:30am the time of the day when most of our clients on the west coast are beginning to come online and the only sound you can hear in the office is the clacking of my boss's and I laptop keys as we validate through each server to make sure the servers are all operational and up to code


If you don't know the difference between "it's" and "its," then you don't belong in law school.

I'm not trying to be rude or sarcastic.


The above comment is kind of lame, but you have a number of pretty serious errors. Just in the first paragraph:

As i glance over at the clock i realize its almost 6:30am needs a comma the time of the day when most of our clients on the west coast capitalize are beginning to come online commaand the only sound you can hear in the office is the clacking of my boss's and I laptop??? keys as we validate through each server to make sure the servers are all operational and up to code.
This was my routine for more than a yearcomma and though most days it went smoothly all our clients online and operational? needs reworked, it was a part of my job to catch any anomaly before the clients did and correct in myself through? code or data manipulation or escalating the issue to some one on our development team to correct. Something as slight as an incorrect business date in any one of our over 25 client applications could turn into a costly issue if not caught before the client. Then there were the days when the CEO of my company would come running over to the operations side of the room "Go Offline! Maintain Radio Silence" In you need punctuation response to a client complaint that they were seeing another banks client information under their server. Days like these were dreaded in my company comma and everything was done to avoid them. That instance turned out to be a false alarm by the way since most servers are on different platforms, they were simply in comma splice an environment where we generated and stored test data in order to validate code before it was released to the clients, and all this happened before 8 am.


This is terribly confusing and definitely needs to be reworked.

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Sashicola
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby Sashicola » Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:31 am

ilovethelsat wrote:
Sashicola wrote:As i glance over at the clock i realize its almost 6:30am the time of the day when most of our clients on the west coast are beginning to come online and the only sound you can hear in the office is the clacking of my boss's and I laptop keys as we validate through each server to make sure the servers are all operational and up to code


If you don't know the difference between "it's" and "its," then you don't belong in law school.

I'm not trying to be rude or sarcastic.



Hence the reason "its" a first draft.

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Sashicola
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby Sashicola » Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:34 am

ccs1702 wrote:
ilovethelsat wrote:
Sashicola wrote:As i glance over at the clock i realize its almost 6:30am the time of the day when most of our clients on the west coast are beginning to come online and the only sound you can hear in the office is the clacking of my boss's and I laptop keys as we validate through each server to make sure the servers are all operational and up to code


If you don't know the difference between "it's" and "its," then you don't belong in law school.

I'm not trying to be rude or sarcastic.


The above comment is kind of lame, but you have a number of pretty serious errors. Just in the first paragraph:


This is terribly confusing and definitely needs to be reworked.



I was just staring at it for so long I ran out of ideas and just started writing down what was in my mind..

Thanks for pointing out those flaws I will correct them

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Kiersten1985
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby Kiersten1985 » Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:36 am

Are you applying this cycle?

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KmissP
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby KmissP » Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:36 am

Also, do you really expect people to take the time to fix your failure to capitalize "i"? Or are you looking to be graded on content alone?

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Sashicola
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby Sashicola » Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:40 am

Kiersten1985 wrote:Are you applying this cycle?


No, Im not looking to apply until 2011

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Sashicola
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby Sashicola » Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:42 am

KmissP wrote:Also, do you really expect people to take the time to fix your failure to capitalize "i"? Or are you looking to be graded on content alone?


I was thinking the content

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fl0w
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby fl0w » Wed Feb 10, 2010 11:45 am

don't post your first draft for critique. people on this forum are being very generous by essentially helping their competition improve their essays (be it for a karma payout in the end, or because they just like to help). Don't waste everyone's time by posting a first draft that you haven't even proofread yourself.

you should post something that's gone through several revisions and then ask for advice on it.

etwashington7
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby etwashington7 » Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:31 pm

fl0w wrote:don't post your first draft for critique. people on this forum are being very generous by essentially helping their competition improve their essays (be it for a karma payout in the end, or because they just like to help). Don't waste everyone's time by posting a first draft that you haven't even proofread yourself.

you should post something that's gone through several revisions and then ask for advice on it.


If you have a problem with someone posting their first draft on the forum, safe us the trouble and keep it to yourself... Who are you to determine what someone else should do?

It's a shame how bloggers become more bolder and rude as the days go by.

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fl0w
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby fl0w » Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:41 pm

etwashington7 wrote:
fl0w wrote:don't post your first draft for critique. people on this forum are being very generous by essentially helping their competition improve their essays (be it for a karma payout in the end, or because they just like to help). Don't waste everyone's time by posting a first draft that you haven't even proofread yourself.

you should post something that's gone through several revisions and then ask for advice on it.


If you have a problem with someone posting their first draft on the forum, safe us the trouble and keep it to yourself... Who are you to determine what someone else should do?

It's a shame how bloggers become more bolder and rude as the days go by.


I'll let you correct that.

I'm really just being frank. The earlier you are in the drafting process the less useful the critiques will be because the editor has to spend a lot of time on simple things like grammar or sentence structure. If someone can go through 3 drafts or so and be at the point where they think they might be ready to turn it in, i'd say that's the point to post it for public critique.

And who am I to determine what they should do? I believe by posting their essay in a public forum, they asked for advice from anyone that was willing to make a comment on it.

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Zapatero
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby Zapatero » Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:45 pm

etwashington7 wrote:
fl0w wrote:don't post your first draft for critique. people on this forum are being very generous by essentially helping their competition improve their essays (be it for a karma payout in the end, or because they just like to help). Don't waste everyone's time by posting a first draft that you haven't even proofread yourself.

you should post something that's gone through several revisions and then ask for advice on it.


If you have a problem with someone posting their first draft on the forum, safe us the trouble and keep it to yourself... Who are you to determine what someone else should do?

It's a shame how bloggers become more bolder and rude as the days go by.


-1

It's impossible to give content feedback when there are so many glaring spelling and punctuation errors. All it requires is running it through spellcheck before pasting it here. This particular draft was sloppy enough to make it nearly unintelligible.

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fl0w
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby fl0w » Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:46 pm

ccs1702 wrote:-1

It's impossible to give content feedback when there are so many glaring spelling and punctuation errors. All it requires is running it through spellcheck before pasting it here. This particular draft was sloppy enough to make it nearly unintelligible.


i'd like to shake your hand.

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Zapatero
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Re: Help me edit my first draft

Postby Zapatero » Fri Feb 12, 2010 4:48 pm

fl0w wrote:
ccs1702 wrote:-1

It's impossible to give content feedback when there are so many glaring spelling and punctuation errors. All it requires is running it through spellcheck before pasting it here. This particular draft was sloppy enough to make it nearly unintelligible.


i'd like to shake your hand.


:virtual fist-bump:




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