Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!

(BLS, URM status, non-traditional, GLBT)
User avatar
SMUDallas2010
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 7:00 pm

Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!

Postby SMUDallas2010 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 11:33 pm

...
Last edited by SMUDallas2010 on Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Cupidity
Posts: 2214
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2009 10:21 pm

Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!

Postby Cupidity » Sun Jan 31, 2010 11:38 pm

A few key flaws.

1. Too many subjects
2. Too long for a DS

This is well written, and interesting, yet in about two pages you have revealed to me your sexual orientation, background as a business professional, the fact you were a varsity athlete, and etc...etc....etc... While it may sound diverse, every one of these things will likely fade into nothingness when it is taken in the context of thousands of other essays. I would take the age/non-traditional aspect and run with it. It also sounds like you may be interested in submitting an academic addendum for your UG performace? Go narrower in scope, go deeper, and it will be more memorable, this is a total Golden Corral of a DS.

User avatar
SMUDallas2010
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 7:00 pm

Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!

Postby SMUDallas2010 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 11:46 pm

Ha! Thanks. I like the Golden Corral reference.

The school I'm applying to allows up to 4 pages. This is only 3. But I hear you on the topics. I'll see about cutting it down.

Thanks!

User avatar
SMUDallas2010
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 7:00 pm

Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!

Postby SMUDallas2010 » Sun Jan 31, 2010 11:55 pm

What if I took out the first paragraph?

User avatar
Cupidity
Posts: 2214
Joined: Sun Jun 07, 2009 10:21 pm

Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!

Postby Cupidity » Sun Jan 31, 2010 11:58 pm

The "self-confidence" stuff is probably what I would cut, it doesn't contribute to your theme very well, at least the theme I think you should stick with, which is that you are Non-Trad, ie: real world experience.

I'd keep the first paragraph but cut the "People who" line.

User avatar
SMUDallas2010
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 7:00 pm

Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!

Postby SMUDallas2010 » Mon Feb 01, 2010 12:09 am

Good advice. Much appreciated.




Return to “Under Represented Law Student Forum”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest