Diversity Statement..Please HELP!!

(BLS, URM status, non-traditional, GLBT)
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Diversity Statement..Please HELP!!

Postby kristina88 » Sat Jan 30, 2010 11:59 am

I am not really sure how to write one..but here is what I have so far..What do you think??

Through my Hispanic heritage, family upbringing, and role models, my academic and personal long-term goals have been greatly influenced. Being Hispanic has been a very important asset to my life. It has showed me the true meaning of cultural diversity and historical sacrifices. The Hispanic culture has influenced my academic goals by having me work for what I believe in. From my father being raised in poverty to my self being raised in a respectable part of town, I have seen the effects of the Hispanic culture work in many different ways. Being educated in a middle-class public school, I have been given opportunities and privileges that other Hispanic’s may have not experienced. My parents have taught me that I can do anything that I set my mind to. I am grateful of what I have, but I know that there will be always something else I want to accomplish.

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Re: Diversity Statement..Please HELP!!

Postby billyez » Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:29 pm

Okay. I advise you to take a breath here and take a day to focus on really writing a Diversity and Personal statement that actually tells the reader about who you are.

It's obvious that you rushed this. It's ineffective and it talks about Hispanic culture but doesn't tell us anything about how your culture has enriched your life. A DS isn't necessary and you shouldn't feel obligated to send one if you aren't going to be able to effectively tell us something about your culture and how it has made you who you are. You might be able to, but at this point the DS is way to short anyway to get the point across. Find an event that connects you to your culture...find a center that can be the foundation of your story. Flesh this out more. Notice, that you tell rather than show your life. You've been "greatly influenced" by your heritage but you never tell us how you were influenced. You talk about how important an "asset" it has been to your life but you don't say how it became an asset. It showed you the "true meaning of cultural diversity and historical sacrifices" but don't bother to tell us what the true meaning of those things are.

Don't submit this. Effective writing is a demanding process. Start the process over, you'll get it eventually and if you don't focus on your PS instead.

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Re: Diversity Statement..Please HELP!!

Postby vanwinkle » Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:32 pm

This tells us a lot about what you think being Hispanic is and what you think Hispanics normally experience, but tells us almost nothing about you. Scrap it and start over.

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