review of diversity statement

(BLS, URM status, non-traditional, GLBT)
lmperri
Posts: 41
Joined: Tue Oct 20, 2009 3:07 pm

review of diversity statement

Postby lmperri » Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:28 pm

this is my very rough draft but i am looking for any feedback that i can get! Thanks guys!
Last edited by lmperri on Thu Dec 16, 2010 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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ogman05
Posts: 266
Joined: Sun Apr 19, 2009 5:02 pm

Re: review of diversity statement

Postby ogman05 » Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:33 pm

Really necessary to post the same thing twice?

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fl0w
Posts: 1404
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:46 am

Re: review of diversity statement

Postby fl0w » Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:36 pm

lmperri wrote:this is my very rough draft but i am looking for any feedback that i can get! Thanks guys!

I would have to imagine that telling your parents your gay is a nerve wrenching process for most.


I haven't read your essay, just the first sentence. Two things are already wrong. "I would have to imagine..." do you HAVE to imagine? If this is an essay about you coming out, which i assume it will be, you DON'T have to imagine. you actually know.

"your parents your gay" one of those "your"s is not correct. I'll let you figure that out.

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fl0w
Posts: 1404
Joined: Fri Jul 10, 2009 9:46 am

Re: review of diversity statement

Postby fl0w » Wed Jan 06, 2010 3:43 pm

ok I read the rest of it.

All this essay really says is "I came out". It's sort of like saying "I was born poor" or "I was born URM".

Unless you can demonstrate how the difficulties of coming out made you stronger, a better person, helped you develop skills critical to the law profession... can show you year really overcame adversity you faced through coming out, the essay really lacks strength.

This can be done effectively, you just need a lot more work to demonstrate how you overcame all of this negativity and adversity, and how this makes you ready for law school. you should also try to tie it to the type of law you want to practice if applicable.




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