they call her mississippi.. but she don't roll to me

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Slash2049
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Postby Slash2049 » Sun Jul 01, 2007 3:37 pm

3 things you should know about today.

1. the word nikki was looking for is intense.

2. don't call people bro unless severely intoxicated.

3. i'm typing with an on screen keyboard because mine broke.

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Postby Slash2049 » Thu Jul 05, 2007 1:16 pm

That lizards game is a slut


thank you sept. test takers thread.

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Postby Slash2049 » Fri Jul 06, 2007 2:19 am

First things first, the most important thing about creating a resume is to lie. No one wants to hire a slacker like you, which is why it is crucial that you convince your overseer that you are not only an acceptable employee, but an exceptional employee. Here are some good topics to lie about: Work experience, grades, weight, extra curricular activities, age, gender, your name and especially your capabilities. Tell them that you can type 120 words per minute and you are fluent in 4 languages and that you are best friends with John Stamos.
Do not include too much contact information. It would be wise to put false information here, considering you lied about everything on the resume. I would only put down your cell phone in the case that they might try to call one of your references, which you will have used Al Borges and Verne Troyer (AKA Mini Me), even though neither of them know you.
Use poetry.

Everyone likes a poem, especially those who are looking for someone to work for them. May I suggest a limerick or a haiku?

Let me give you an example:
No one likes a poot
Eager squeaver meager swag
Hillary Clinton

Use big numbers. Instead of putting “I expect a salary of $1.2 million” use “I expect a salary of $1,200,000.00. If you throw a bunch of zeros at them, they will be more likely to be intimidated, and therefore more likely to submit to your commands. It’s even a good idea to throw in a phone number without the dashes, just to keep them on their toes. “I could be contacted at 2568987548 unless you are too frightened.” And on a similar note, use decimals to make numbers look bigger. “I was charged 7.5000000000% tax at Krystal last night.”
When listing personal experience, they are not wanting to hear about the time you bagged groceries in the summer of your junior year in high school, they are talking about how many times you have been to Six Flags and whether or not you have gone sky diving. My experience portion of my resume looked something like this:

• 12 unsuccessful attempts at the ‘gallon of milk in an hour’ challenge

• Hole-in-one at Cedar Wood Golf Course: Hole #8; par 3, 138 yards with a 9-Iron

• Finished a Grande Meal at Taco Bell by myself, (with room to spare)

• Once kicked a kid in the face while attempting the “Scorpion Death Lock”

Finish the resume with a threat. Remind your employer that if he decides not to hire you that his tires might be slit. The best way to get someone to hire you is not to convince them that it is beneficial to hire you, but that there are dire consequences for not hiring you. Tell them about your criminal history, or make one up if you have to.

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Postby Slash2049 » Sat Jul 07, 2007 2:03 am

Drunk on wine, I’m amazing
Bitter Pill; it’s my raising
News at five and at midnight
Caught on tape; serves me right

The crowd around me starts to grow
I can feel the undertow

Anyone with a half a heart would help me out
Before they ever let the other half find out
But if they could see how far I’ve let you down
Anyone with half a heart would let me drown

Flashing lights couldn’t warn her
Paint myself in a corner
Bracing now for the impact
Losing hope, keeping track

Standing on a crumbling wall
Tethered to a cannonball


Anyone with half a heart would help me out
Before they ever let the other half find out
But if they could see how high I’ve built this wall
Anyone with half a heart would let me fall

In the space between sleep and sleeplessness
We redress all our wounds
If we replace all this hopeless hopelessness
Then we could rest

Anyone with half a heart would let me drown
Anyone with half a heart would pull me down
Anyone with half a heart would let me fall
Anyone with half a heart wouldn’t care at all

Anyone with half a heart would help me out
Before they ever let the other half find out
But if they could see how far I’ve let you down
Anyone with half a heart would let me drown

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Postby Slash2049 » Sun Jul 08, 2007 3:36 pm

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.


New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

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Postby Slash2049 » Tue Jul 10, 2007 1:23 pm

One LOR in. Two more coming.

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Postby Slash2049 » Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:38 am

Jimmy V speech was just on ESPN radio.

find it somewhere on the internet.

listen to it.

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Postby Slash2049 » Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:33 pm

deuce: I vote yes!!! Who cares it it won't get you ****! lol

G_S: Whatever Deuce. Dounia could show up in a trashcan and get laid.

wak: Only by Oscar the Grouch.

dounia: Gross...Wak just said he'd do me.

wak: Heh. Well played.

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Postby Slash2049 » Fri Jul 13, 2007 12:03 pm

i hate the rolling stones.

there i said it.

i can't be convinced otherwise.

they're hacks.

and especially now.
they look and sound like complete idiots.

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Postby Slash2049 » Tue Jul 24, 2007 5:23 pm

Dear James,

My name is Steve Jones, and I'm the Director of Admissions at Florida Coastal School of Law. I was looking at your LSAC file today and noticed that your LSAT score of blue and red GPA and other academic accomplishments qualify you for admission to our January '08 entering class. I also saw that you selected Florida as one of the places you would like to study law. Fortunately, we still have some scholarship funds available, and your LSAT and GPA qualify you for a merit scholarship in the amount of $10,000 per year.

Would you like to study in Jacksonville, a charming coastal city with wonderful weather? We have a lot of students from Tennessee and we'd love for you to join them.

Please reply to this email or give me a call at green so we can talk more about this opportunity.

Thank you,
Steve

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Postby Slash2049 » Mon Jul 30, 2007 11:01 am

So.. i just noticed that on the google homepage the letters are in blue red yellow blue green red.

these are also the primary colors (BRY-mixing/BRG-visual).

i think that's the reasoning behind it... but i'm not sure.

but i'm going to say that's why anyways.

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Postby Slash2049 » Mon Jul 30, 2007 12:45 pm

Dear James:

The Law School Admissions Council has provided us with your email address, because your credentials are likely to qualify you for a three-year scholarship award that would provide a significant portion of tuition upon admission to the Washburn University School of Law. At that time you would also be invited to apply for a number of additional scholarships that provide full resident tuition plus additional stipends.

Washburn Law provides an affordable option with all the benefits of a private school. Because ours is not a strictly state-funded university, you are able to establish in-state residency after a short period of six months.

Washburn University School of Law is widely recognized as a leader in natural resources, trial advocacy, tax, corporate, and family law. Washburn Law has three signature programs - our Center for Excellence in Advocacy, the Business and Transactional Law Center; and the Children and Family Law Center.

Washburn Law is located an hour west of Kansas City in Topeka, the capital city of Kansas. With a population of approximately 450 law students, our smaller class sizes are designed so students may face intellectual challenges in a spirit of cooperation. A student to faculty ratio of 14 to one creates an intimate learning environment for our student body. It is no surprise that student satisfaction at Washburn Law is consistently cited among the highest in American law schools.

For admissions information, please visit our website at http://www.washburnlaw.edu. I encourage you to call or email the Admissions Office if you have any questions. We look forward to hearing from you.

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Postby Slash2049 » Sat Aug 04, 2007 12:09 am

--ImageRemoved--

FACE DANCE!!!!!!!

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Postby Slash2049 » Thu Aug 09, 2007 11:37 am

PK: White Castle is having a random free food giveaway. It's' a PR promotion thing.






G_S: Really PK?







PK: Hell No! Hadi47 is going to go to hell for that crap. REPENT NOW!


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Postby Slash2049 » Thu Aug 09, 2007 10:43 pm

http://www.jabberwacky.com/chat-george




fun without the need for real friends....

edit: sample conversation:

Are you a gunner douche?
It certainly seems that way to me!
So you must really be stjobs in disguise.
I didn't say that, either.
Well, he is a big gunner douche.
Do you follow religion?
I didn't know you could follow religion.
You don't know much, really, do you?
You are stjobs!
Do you believe in me?
of course i do you gunner douche
A simulated response, but you are one of the first; hopefully the others will not have feelings.
have fun at harvard you smart ass
it is the weekend

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Postby Slash2049 » Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:19 pm

--ImageRemoved--

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Postby Slash2049 » Fri Aug 17, 2007 3:45 pm

Listening to Dan Patrick's last day on ESPN radio.


it was alright.

the spot with Ron Burgundy kinda blew though.
Only one funny line in the entire thing... i was very disappointed.

oh well... last day to worry about it i guess

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Postby Slash2049 » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:10 pm

madeleine l'engle passed away.


i'm sad.

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Postby Slash2049 » Mon Sep 10, 2007 8:08 pm

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Farva: Give me a double bacon cheeseburger.
Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Double baco cheeseburger. It's for a cop.
Farva: What the hell's that all about? You gonna spit in it now?
Dimpus Burger Guy: No, I just told him that so he makes it good.
[into mic]
Dimpus Burger Guy: Don't spit in that cop's burger.
Farva: Yeah, thanks.
Second Dimpus Guy: Roger, holding the spit.
Farva: Gimme a pie... apple.
Dimpus Burger Guy: Want me to hold the spit? Hah, just kidding officer Farva.
[pause]
Dimpus Burger Guy: Want me to dimpa-size your meal for 25 cents?
Farva: Want me to punch-a-size your face, for free?
Dimpus Burger Guy: It's only 25 cents, and look how much more you get.
Thorny: Look, kid, he doesn't want it.
Farva: I can handle this, Thorn. I don't want it!
Dimpus Burger Guy: Uhh, right. Beverage?
Farva: Gimme a litre o' cola.
Dimpus Burger Guy: What?
Farva: [Annoyed] A litre o' cola.
Dimpus Burger Guy: [into mic] Litrecola? Do we sell litrecola?
Thorny: Will you just order a large, Farva?
Farva: I don't want a large farva. I want a goddamn litre o' cola!
Dimpus Burger Guy: [to Farva] I don't know what that is!
Farva: [slowly starts shouting] Litre is French for...
[grabs burger kid by shirt]
Farva: ... give me my fuckin' cola before I break VOUS FUCKIN' LIP!

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Postby Slash2049 » Wed Sep 12, 2007 11:16 pm

Image

(click to laugh)

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Postby Slash2049 » Sun Sep 16, 2007 9:15 pm


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Postby Slash2049 » Mon Sep 17, 2007 7:38 pm

Question for the day:

(From final jeopardy.. I thought the answer was easy to figure out, but all three contestants got it wrong, so I'm going to repost it as well as I can remember for TLS amusement. Remember, refrain from Google, etc. for your first guess please)


Published in 1860, the frontier novel Maleaska, the first of its kind, sold 300,000 copies for a sales revenue of this


prizes are a pretty picture that only kinda has to do with you

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Postby Slash2049 » Thu Nov 15, 2007 9:47 pm

Finishing PS tonight... getting paid tomorrow... turning in apps by Monday..

cycle here we go.

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Postby Slash2049 » Wed Nov 21, 2007 12:56 am

it's that time of year again...

and i'm just as confused as the lights out game of tag we played last week.


i'm a jumble of explanations and curious questions that don't have any good answers except for "you're right, that's how it is, i'm sorry, and yes i do want fries with that"

when you told me you wanted to hear my voice i wanted to break down and cry or sing, or just find the right words to say because my heart was telling me not to screw this up, not to shut down, to be honest for once in my life about what the world meant to me.

when the wind was blowing down the street sending me back home i didn't know what i would end up finding.

maybe it was redemption, or revelation, or maybe just the warmth of the home i know i'll never really have to leave, and the promise of the love of those i will never forsake nor forget.

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Postby Slash2049 » Fri Dec 14, 2007 6:05 pm

Someone please update me on what's happened here in the past month... i finally have a new computer, apps are on the way, and i'm so f-n lost.

please.. anyone.. clue me in.




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