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TheCubsFan

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Postby TheCubsFan » Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:09 pm

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Last edited by TheCubsFan on Mon Feb 20, 2017 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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UVA2B

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby UVA2B » Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:18 pm

Your best bet is to have an honest and respectful conversation about what is best for your relationship and your professional goals. On your side, explain the immensely different opportunities you'd have at UChi compared to what's available there. Explain to her why you have a much better chance at UChi to go where you want professionally and how much that means to you. Then let her give you the reasons she thinks you should stay. After said conversation, the two of you will have to decide what is best for your relationship and career goals. Doing long distance for a short time (I'm guessing her masters is one or two years) would be very doable for the improved employment prospects, but if your relationship wouldn't survive the distance, then you have to question whether it'll be worth it.

No one here can tell you what the right decision is because we're not in your relationship and don't know how strong it is. But if you talk with her, explore both options thoroughly and figure out what is best for both of you, you'll both be happier with the decision you make. Just make sure you're making the decision together.

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blackmamba8

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby blackmamba8 » Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:19 pm

No, you aren't being selfish. If you can get into a school like UChicago then you should go. You're obviously a motivated and driven person, so you should go to the school that gives you the best shot at achieving your goals.

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mjb447

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby mjb447 » Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:39 pm

Yeah, you two need to have a serious conversation about this. UChicago will give you much better opportunities to pursue your career goals, and that will likely be the case even if they change quite a bit. If nothing else, giving that up to be together during the three years of law school is the kind of thing that can cause resentment issues, particularly if you feel your concerns weren't given an adequate discussion. (Of course, she needs to feel heard as well.)

If your relationship is going to survive, this is a conversation that you need to have and a decision that you have to make together, with both people knowing exactly what the other one is thinking.

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby llm614 » Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:44 pm

Is there some reason why you're both set on living together? If you've committed to the point to being engaged I don't see where being a few hours away is going to hurt for two years (to finish the master's) if it means you both get what you want professionally.

cavalier1138

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby cavalier1138 » Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:58 pm

The commute between Hyde Park and Champaigne is about 2 hours. If you don't want to live apart, you could easily find a small place in the middle where it's a 1-hour commute either direction. But you need to make it clear to your fiancee that the job opportunities at Chicago are radically different from those at UIUC. I assume she chose UIUC for her graduate studies because it was the best school choice for her, so I also assume she'll understand why you would choose to go to Chicago.

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Rigo » Sun Feb 19, 2017 9:24 pm

Make sure you explain to her that she will be marrying $200k+ of debt if you go to UC.

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Platopus

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Platopus » Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:45 pm

cavalier1138 wrote:The commute between Hyde Park and Champaigne is about 2 hours. If you don't want to live apart, you could easily find a small place in the middle where it's a 1-hour commute either direction. But you need to make it clear to your fiancee that the job opportunities at Chicago are radically different from those at UIUC. I assume she chose UIUC for her graduate studies because it was the best school choice for her, so I also assume she'll understand why you would choose to go to Chicago.


This is certainly possible, but with city traffic i would recommend living much closer to Chicago, as a normal 1 hour commute can easily be 2+ in traffic, whereas traffic will have much less of an impact heading south.

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Rigo » Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:51 pm

Platopus wrote:
cavalier1138 wrote:The commute between Hyde Park and Champaigne is about 2 hours. If you don't want to live apart, you could easily find a small place in the middle where it's a 1-hour commute either direction. But you need to make it clear to your fiancee that the job opportunities at Chicago are radically different from those at UIUC. I assume she chose UIUC for her graduate studies because it was the best school choice for her, so I also assume she'll understand why you would choose to go to Chicago.

This is certainly possible, but with city traffic i would recommend living much closer to Chicago, as a normal 1 hour commute can easily be 2+ in traffic, whereas traffic will have much less of an impact heading south.

I mean this sounds miserable for both parties. Who wants to spend over 2 hours daily commuting while in school? There's literally nothing* between Champaign and Chicago anyways.

*my b I forgot about the 20-something hotspot that is Kankakee.
Last edited by Rigo on Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Desert Fox

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Desert Fox » Sun Feb 19, 2017 10:54 pm

Full ride at Illinois is way smarter than U of C at 330k debt
Last edited by Desert Fox on Sat Jan 27, 2018 1:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

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laqueredup

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby laqueredup » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:02 pm

I've been facing similar circumstances, balancing the careers of two professionals will always be tough, and you guys will both probably have to compromise on goals in the future as well. Distance isn't great but its doable for some people for a short time. For some people its not, I don't think it has much to do with the strength of the relationship, just how your dynamic is.. At the same time you two are the ones who have to decide whether it is worth it or not. Try to get down on paper all of the pros/cons and a gameplan for option A or B for an open and honest discussion. I'm not normally a list person, but find it helps to have things written down when making tough decisions with other people so you can get back to the main points if it is sidetracked. Obviously the debt situation will be part of this as well.

From my perspective two hours is hardly distance, get a crash pad up there during the week and come home every weekend. Listen to podcasts in the car. I've heard that a lot of Law Students can schedule 3 day weekends just about every weekend after 1L. Its not ideal but maybe it works for you guys, maybe it doesn't. Good luck!

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby dabigchina » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:07 pm

Seriously though, 2 hours is nothing. You could easily see each other every weekend. I'm sure she'd love to have someplace to stay when Champaign gets boring. I used to drive 5 hours up to see my S/O every other weekend.
Last edited by dabigchina on Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Rigo » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:08 pm

It's weird how supportive/encouraging everyone is of living apart from his fiancé whereas if he were single nobody would be saying to go to UChicago at sticker. Let's take the personal dilemma out of it and just call an objectively terrible decision an objectively terrible decision.

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby dabigchina » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:10 pm

Dude wants to go to to Chicago.

Also, if he doesn't go to Chicago and strikes out at OCI/doesn't get a clerkshp, that relationship is going to go through some strain.

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BlendedUnicorn

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby BlendedUnicorn » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:11 pm

Desert Fox wrote:Full ride at Illinois is way smarter than U of C at 330k debt


I feel like NU at a discount should be a sweet spot here

SplitMyPants

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby SplitMyPants » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:18 pm

He said he hasn't heard about money, not that he didn't get any. It's still way too early to know it would be UChi at sticker, right?... Some T14s dont announce money until well into March IIRC.

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brinicolec

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby brinicolec » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:19 pm

Rigo wrote:It's weird how supportive/encouraging everyone is of living apart from his fiancé whereas if he were single nobody would be saying to go to UChicago at sticker. Let's take the personal dilemma out of it and just call an objectively terrible decision an objectively terrible decision.


My understanding is that he didn't get scholly info yet, not that he will be attending at sticker...

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brinicolec

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby brinicolec » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:20 pm

I mean, I think the other side of this is would it be selfish of her to ask you to give up an opportunity like UChi because of her opportunity at UIUC. I agree with the first two responses. You need to sit down and have a conversation with her.

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Rigo » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:21 pm

brinicolec wrote:
Rigo wrote:It's weird how supportive/encouraging everyone is of living apart from his fiancé whereas if he were single nobody would be saying to go to UChicago at sticker. Let's take the personal dilemma out of it and just call an objectively terrible decision an objectively terrible decision.

My understanding is that he didn't get scholly info yet, not that he will be attending at sticker...

His stats don't look promising for money.

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Rigo » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:23 pm

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=273251&p=9743559#p9743559

So is STL old news or what?
Is your fiancé definitely going to school at UIUC or does that just sync up most with your school choices?

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brinicolec

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby brinicolec » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:25 pm

Rigo wrote:http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=273251&p=9743559#p9743559

So is STL old news or what?
Is your fiancé definitely going to school at UIUC or does that just sync up most with your school choices?


Okay, I'm v confused. Is his fiancee going to school in Illinois or working in St. Louis?!?!!? lol

And has he lived in St. Louis all his life or is he in Illinois!?!?

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Rigo » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:28 pm

I'm also confused why you're pushing federal clerking as your number one priority now when that was never even mentioned in your previous threads when talking about goals. You seemed to be on the prosecutor track before and meh about bigLaw.

You honestly just seem all over the place.

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Rigo » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:29 pm

TheCubsFan wrote:What do you guys think about SLU with a full ride (1843 Scholar) vs WashU with ~$100k scholly? Not sure about BigLaw, but want to keep STL large firms as an option at least. And I definitely want to stay in the STL area. My fiancé will have a full time job in Saint Louis, so living expenses will be paid by her, making SLU basically completely debt-free. I will need to take out around $70,000 in loans for WashU.

I've heard that the 1843 Scholarship opens a lot of doors that might negate the disparity between the schools rankings. Has anyone had experience with that?

If I do decide to go for STL "biglaw" over say, working as a prosecutor in the government, would WashU be a huge advantage?

Stats: 165 LSAT, 3.9 GPA

QFP

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UVA2B

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby UVA2B » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:30 pm

Rigo wrote:
TheCubsFan wrote:What do you guys think about SLU with a full ride (1843 Scholar) vs WashU with ~$100k scholly? Not sure about BigLaw, but want to keep STL large firms as an option at least. And I definitely want to stay in the STL area. My fiancé will have a full time job in Saint Louis, so living expenses will be paid by her, making SLU basically completely debt-free. I will need to take out around $70,000 in loans for WashU.

I've heard that the 1843 Scholarship opens a lot of doors that might negate the disparity between the schools rankings. Has anyone had experience with that?

If I do decide to go for STL "biglaw" over say, working as a prosecutor in the government, would WashU be a huge advantage?

Stats: 165 LSAT, 3.9 GPA

QFP


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Desert Fox

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Re: Being selfish when engaged?

Postby Desert Fox » Sun Feb 19, 2017 11:38 pm

Rigo wrote:I'm also confused why you're pushing federal clerking as your number one priority now when that was never even mentioned in your previous threads when talking about goals. You seemed to be on the prosecutor track before and meh about bigLaw.

You honestly just seem all over the place.


Tlsers have been using "but meh clerkship" as an excuse to spend a third of a million dollars on prestige for like ten years now.

If OP turns down a fullride for 330k debt he's an idiot. And his fiancé will probably get fucked silly by some bros in the bathroom at brothers while he plays shuffleboard in the u of c clubhouse
Last edited by Desert Fox on Sat Jan 27, 2018 1:44 am, edited 1 time in total.



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