banjo wrote:Your SO will be working on that PhD for 6+ years and might have to do successive one-year stints in random locations afterwards. If it's a more marketable PhD, he might be able to get a job in industry, but might not have a choice in location. Not sure how this should factor into your decision, but it might be worth thinking that far ahead. Long distance is perhaps unavoidable.
Yes, I've considered this. The thing is, with a degree from the law school in the city, I'll probably end up working in that city. If the SO has to move after graduating, I'm not quite sure how things would work out, honestly. I'd be willing to sacrifice further and move, probably. In fact, I care much less about what my job is after graduating than the school I go to.
RhymesLikeDimes wrote:Is their PHD in something stupid with no practical use that they're only going for because they expect you to pay back their debt for them? If then, I'd go with S and be indifferent when things wilt.
Lol, no. The PhD is tuition free and provides a stipend of about $30k a year.
northwood wrote:Edit to add: since you say you two are talking marriage ( or at least that serious) then the money you save and invest can help pay for your wedding/ first house/ child college tuition fund
All it makes me think of is how little I care about material things and how priceless a HYS degree is to me. The idea of the savings from CCN being blown a slightly nicer condo, car, and what have you, just further reinforces my view that money is not an issue.
NYU to Yale Law School is ~90 minutes. One of you could just commute (or you could split the difference and rent in Norwalk or somewhere else in between), or you could just see each other on weekends. Plus, when you end up at HYS (or CCN for that matter), it's not like you won't be able to attract a new mate if something did go wrong. You should always factor in your SO in your decisions, but in this one you shouldn't sacrifice.
By the way, did she not apply to HYS, or did she just not get accepted (yet)? What is her PhD in?
Lastly, if your SO wasn't a consideration, I would take Stanford and never look back.
SO hasn't gotten into HYS, but, rather oddly, SO has gotten into a program that is better than HYS for that area of study - think Chicago + econ.
gaud wrote:Depends how hot my SO was.
Tom Joad wrote:If you lived in different cities and broke up, how confident are you that you could attract a replacement mate comparable in quality to the old one?
Not sure if you are serious, but if it informs this discussion, people often ask me how I got so lucky to be with someone who is clearly a few rungs up from me in terms of attractiveness.
RodneyRuxin wrote:It sounds like you would be more successful if you were with your SO and if you feel guilty about considering HYS, then you're probably going to feel super guilty for actually doing it.
It seems like your mind is already made up on staying with your SO, and you're just looking for everyone to tell you it's the right move.
If you really care about the relationship, it's the right move.
Unless you two have been LD in the past, it's highly stressful for the first few months, and mental stability is very important in LS. Take CCN+money, do well.
My mind really isn't made up. I keep speculating about the endless possibilities (what if we get divorced in three, or ten years? What if we live happily ever after? What if I have lasting regrets? etc.) and from different vantage points, the logic of the decision seems to change dramatically. There are just so many unknowns in this process (how I will perform in law school, how much I will enjoy different law schools, what job opportunities will I see from different schools, etc.) that I will probably just end up going with my gut.
I get you - I've been with my SO for four years and we're pretty much an integral part of each others' sanities now.
Regardless though I think you need to ask yourself how important it is for you personally to go to HYS. If you think ahead to the future and end up without a good outcome out of CCN, are you going to feel upset, like you sacrificed your own opportunities for your SO? Because if you can really honestly say that that wouldn't bother you, then CCN will probably be the better option. But I don't know if most people can; it's really hard to put aside personal aspirations even for someone you love, especially for top law students who are naturally pretty high achievers, and you don't want that to potentially be a cloud hanging over your future relationship.
It is pretty damn important to me personally, but it is also important to me to keep this relationship intact. I feel so intensely about the whole thing that my mind is consumed with this question and I have been very unproductive over the last few days. I appreciate your words on possible future regrets - definitely an important consideration.