Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

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Would you turn down HYS for CCN & SO?

Yes
42
46%
No
38
42%
H and/or S but not Y
11
12%
 
Total votes: 91

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Ramius
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Ramius » Sat Mar 02, 2013 2:45 pm

SemperLegal wrote:
matthewsean85 wrote:
KillerGerbil wrote:If you had HYS, and your SO (of four years) got into a school in NYC or Chicago for a PhD, would you turn down HYS to be together? Assume money plays no factor (in my situation it does not). Not that I am going to base a very personal decision on a majority vote, I just want to know if one decision is truly stupid or the other is truly selfish. This is a huge moment in my life. I fear making a decision I regret for the rest of it.

By the way, my SO is great. Love.

Is it possible to survive a long distance relationship through three years of law school? I feel I could easily relocate with a HYS after I graduate, assuming the relationship is still intact at that point.


I won't even begin to say that my situation was the same, but I will say that long distance can work for two professional people. I am currently active duty in the military on the East Coast and have deployed nearly 2 of the last 5 years I've been employed while my (now) wife has completed med school on the West Coast. It was a lot of hard times, but as long as you remain committed to each other and always make time for each other when possible, it's not only a fair decision, I believe it to be a smart decision.



Holy shit, you're me


Is there such a thing as TLS doppelgänger?

KillerGerbil
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby KillerGerbil » Sat Mar 02, 2013 2:47 pm

banjo wrote:Your SO will be working on that PhD for 6+ years and might have to do successive one-year stints in random locations afterwards. If it's a more marketable PhD, he might be able to get a job in industry, but might not have a choice in location. Not sure how this should factor into your decision, but it might be worth thinking that far ahead. Long distance is perhaps unavoidable.


Yes, I've considered this. The thing is, with a degree from the law school in the city, I'll probably end up working in that city. If the SO has to move after graduating, I'm not quite sure how things would work out, honestly. I'd be willing to sacrifice further and move, probably. In fact, I care much less about what my job is after graduating than the school I go to.

RhymesLikeDimes wrote:Is their PHD in something stupid with no practical use that they're only going for because they expect you to pay back their debt for them? If then, I'd go with S and be indifferent when things wilt.


Lol, no. The PhD is tuition free and provides a stipend of about $30k a year.

northwood wrote:Edit to add: since you say you two are talking marriage ( or at least that serious) then the money you save and invest can help pay for your wedding/ first house/ child college tuition fund


All it makes me think of is how little I care about material things and how priceless a HYS degree is to me. The idea of the savings from CCN being blown a slightly nicer condo, car, and what have you, just further reinforces my view that money is not an issue.

cahwc12 wrote:
NYU to Yale Law School is ~90 minutes. One of you could just commute (or you could split the difference and rent in Norwalk or somewhere else in between), or you could just see each other on weekends. Plus, when you end up at HYS (or CCN for that matter), it's not like you won't be able to attract a new mate if something did go wrong. You should always factor in your SO in your decisions, but in this one you shouldn't sacrifice.

By the way, did she not apply to HYS, or did she just not get accepted (yet)? What is her PhD in?

Lastly, if your SO wasn't a consideration, I would take Stanford and never look back.


SO hasn't gotten into HYS, but, rather oddly, SO has gotten into a program that is better than HYS for that area of study - think Chicago + econ.

gaud wrote:Depends how hot my SO was.

Tom Joad wrote:If you lived in different cities and broke up, how confident are you that you could attract a replacement mate comparable in quality to the old one?


Not sure if you are serious, but if it informs this discussion, people often ask me how I got so lucky to be with someone who is clearly a few rungs up from me in terms of attractiveness.

RodneyRuxin wrote:It sounds like you would be more successful if you were with your SO and if you feel guilty about considering HYS, then you're probably going to feel super guilty for actually doing it.

It seems like your mind is already made up on staying with your SO, and you're just looking for everyone to tell you it's the right move.

If you really care about the relationship, it's the right move.
Unless you two have been LD in the past, it's highly stressful for the first few months, and mental stability is very important in LS. Take CCN+money, do well.


My mind really isn't made up. I keep speculating about the endless possibilities (what if we get divorced in three, or ten years? What if we live happily ever after? What if I have lasting regrets? etc.) and from different vantage points, the logic of the decision seems to change dramatically. There are just so many unknowns in this process (how I will perform in law school, how much I will enjoy different law schools, what job opportunities will I see from different schools, etc.) that I will probably just end up going with my gut.

Crowing wrote:
I get you - I've been with my SO for four years and we're pretty much an integral part of each others' sanities now.

Regardless though I think you need to ask yourself how important it is for you personally to go to HYS. If you think ahead to the future and end up without a good outcome out of CCN, are you going to feel upset, like you sacrificed your own opportunities for your SO? Because if you can really honestly say that that wouldn't bother you, then CCN will probably be the better option. But I don't know if most people can; it's really hard to put aside personal aspirations even for someone you love, especially for top law students who are naturally pretty high achievers, and you don't want that to potentially be a cloud hanging over your future relationship.


It is pretty damn important to me personally, but it is also important to me to keep this relationship intact. I feel so intensely about the whole thing that my mind is consumed with this question and I have been very unproductive over the last few days. I appreciate your words on possible future regrets - definitely an important consideration.

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Nelson
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Nelson » Sat Mar 02, 2013 2:52 pm

The fact that you're having such a hard time settling for the 4th or 5th best law school in the country instead of the 2d or 3d shows that you have the essential soulless quality law requires and you're going to make a great attorney someday. Leave the GF and gun for the stars.

KillerGerbil wrote:In fact, I care much less about what my job is after graduating than the school I go to.

WTF is this nonsense.

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Ramius
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Ramius » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:04 pm

Nelson wrote:The fact that you're having such a hard time settling for the 4th or 5th best law school in the country instead of the 2d or 3d shows that you have the essential soulless quality law requires and you're going to make a great attorney someday. Leave the GF and gun for the stars.

KillerGerbil wrote:In fact, I care much less about what my job is after graduating than the school I go to.

WTF is this nonsense.

It's that preftige for anecdotes at cocktail parties and family dinners. You don't go to law school to find a good career, do you?

timbs4339
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby timbs4339 » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:06 pm

The quality of the education, student body, or professors is not going to be markedly different between HYS and CCN. What is going to be different- substantially so, are the job prospects in certain areas of law. So you really need to know what you want to do after graduation for people to give you better advice.

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jkpolk
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby jkpolk » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:06 pm

gaud wrote:Depends how hot my SO was.

KillerGerbil
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby KillerGerbil » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:09 pm

Nelson wrote:The fact that you're having such a hard time settling for the 4th or 5th best law school in the country instead of the 2d or 3d shows that you have the essential soulless quality law requires and you're going to make a great attorney someday. Leave the GF and gun for the stars.

KillerGerbil wrote:In fact, I care much less about what my job is after graduating than the school I go to.

WTF is this nonsense.


By that, I mean I don't care much about my income or my job's prestige. As I will be working for four decades minimum, obviously it is important to have an enjoyable legal job. I just mean that there are many avenues of law that I would enjoy.

So, does the soulless comment mean you think it would be heartless to pick HYS?

RodneyRuxin
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby RodneyRuxin » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:15 pm

Show your SO that you're contemplating getting divorced in three years and see if you're still together.

If you are, take CCN+money

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Nelson
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Nelson » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:19 pm

KillerGerbil wrote:By that, I mean I don't care much about my income or my job's prestige. As I will be working for four decades minimum, obviously it is important to have an enjoyable legal job. I just mean that there are many avenues of law that I would enjoy.
What is an enjoyable legal job for you? No one can give you meaningful feedback without knowing what you want to do. Your immediate trajectory out of law school is incredibly important to your career. You sound like someone with no idea what they're getting into.
KillerGerbil wrote:So, does the soulless comment mean you think it would be heartless to pick HYS?
Since you apparently have no concrete career goals whatsoever, you seem to be making this decision based purely on the name on your diploma. I'd say choosing the name on a diploma over your personal life is pretty dumb, but maybe that's just me.

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Ramius
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Ramius » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:24 pm

To the OP, all joking aside, I believe decisions like this are surprisingly simple to boil down, even though different people will answer the question vastly different. Ultimately, just figure out what will make you the happiest and run with it. If that means getting the prestige of an HYS degree and taking the chance on a long distance relationship, be open and honest with your SO about the decision and figure out what will work best for BOTH OF YOU. If keeping him/her around and being with each other is more important to you, take CCN and never look back. Picking CCN is by no means a bad decision, and while you might lose some prestige and have slightly more limited employment opportunities (which is laughable to refer to CCN in that way, but whatever), you will be HAPPY. Isn't that what life is all about anyway?

Do what makes you happy and don't rely on someone else telling you what will make you the happiest. Only you can decide that.

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Typhoon24
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Typhoon24 » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:51 pm

No way lol. HYS is too good to pass up, even for CCN. If my SO cannot long distance relationship it up, too bad.

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Law Sauce
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Law Sauce » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:55 pm

School prestige is meaningless unless it leads to happiness. What will make you a happier person for 365 x 3 days. SO or slightly more prestigious school sweatshirt to wear? What will make you happier longer term, SO in your life or slightly more prestigious resume to break out when you switch jobs every 4 to 5 years? (Second question is harder than first, but still).

Most HYS lawyers aren't some special breed, they are just lawyers, just like those that graduate from other good schools. If the relationship is serious, watch The Family Man with Nicolas Cage and go to CCN and try to be happy for you instead of just following the 0L hype machine. Seriously tls

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Law Sauce
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Law Sauce » Sat Mar 02, 2013 3:56 pm

matthewsean85 wrote:To the OP, all joking aside, I believe decisions like this are surprisingly simple to boil down, even though different people will answer the question vastly different. Ultimately, just figure out what will make you the happiest and run with it. If that means getting the prestige of an HYS degree and taking the chance on a long distance relationship, be open and honest with your SO about the decision and figure out what will work best for BOTH OF YOU. If keeping him/her around and being with each other is more important to you, take CCN and never look back. Picking CCN is by no means a bad decision, and while you might lose some prestige and have slightly more limited employment opportunities (which is laughable to refer to CCN in that way, but whatever), you will be HAPPY. Isn't that what life is all about anyway?

Do what makes you happy and don't rely on someone else telling you what will make you the happiest. Only you can decide that.


Exactly

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jetsfan1
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby jetsfan1 » Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:14 pm

Tagging bc its relevant to me. OP, go with your gut. Deep down, you know what you have to do. Do it. I will say though, someone said before (too lazy to go back and find the quote now) something along the lines of SOs can be replaced but once in a lifetime opportunities cannot. I don't agree. If she is the one, hold on and dont let go. Thats a million times more important than anything else you will do in your life, IMO. That being said, if she IS the one, than the long distance will work. I know this is entirely over-idealistic and I hope it made sense, but be greedy. Go for both. Your SO should understand you want to make the most of yourself, and the best way to do that is at HY (dont go S, time difference sucks I've been there before). I know this is rambling but hope it helps. Good luck!

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Ramius
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Ramius » Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:22 pm

jetsfan1 wrote:Tagging bc its relevant to me. OP, go with your gut. Deep down, you know what you have to do. Do it. I will say though, someone said before (too lazy to go back and find the quote now) something along the lines of SOs can be replaced but once in a lifetime opportunities cannot. I don't agree. If she is the one, hold on and dont let go. Thats a million times more important than anything else you will do in your life, IMO. That being said, if she IS the one, than the long distance will work. I know this is entirely over-idealistic and I hope it made sense, but be greedy. Go for both. Your SO should understand you want to make the most of yourself, and the best way to do that is at HY (dont go S, time difference sucks I've been there before). I know this is rambling but hope it helps. Good luck!


TLS, where better to cast your own biases onto others. This might be right for you, but is it for the OP? This thread just needs to end with the simple question...OP, what do you truly value most? Nut up and make a choice, only you know what is best.

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jetsfan1
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby jetsfan1 » Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:27 pm

TLS, where better to cast your own biases onto others. This might be right for you, but is it for the OP? This thread just needs to end with the simple question...OP, what do you truly value most? Nut up and make a choice, only you know what is best.


Hence why I said

OP, go with your gut. Deep down, you know what you have to do. Do it.


Only threw my 2 cents in bc by posting on TLS OP clearly wants to hear what other people have to say about the situation. Just trying to help OP out...

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battlerifle13
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby battlerifle13 » Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:29 pm

JWalker wrote:Aberzombie: CCP, not CCN.

Yes!
Last edited by battlerifle13 on Sun Mar 10, 2013 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

the lantern
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby the lantern » Sat Mar 02, 2013 4:29 pm

1) couldn't you conceivably commute from NYC to Yale (not sure how class scheduling works there, so maybe it wouldn't be possible)? I mean.. not that it would be ideal, but personally, if I could get into Yale, I would want to go there. And if my SO lived in NYC, I would want to live with him/her, so I'd do whatever it took to make it work (if such a thing were possible).

2) if its chicago, yeah i dont think u chicago is that far down from HYS. Still, like someone else said, if you want to be on SCOTUS or become president (stuff like that), you need to be in the old boys club, and you need to go to H or Y.

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Ramius
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Ramius » Sat Mar 02, 2013 5:07 pm

jetsfan1 wrote:
TLS, where better to cast your own biases onto others. This might be right for you, but is it for the OP? This thread just needs to end with the simple question...OP, what do you truly value most? Nut up and make a choice, only you know what is best.


Hence why I said

OP, go with your gut. Deep down, you know what you have to do. Do it.


Only threw my 2 cents in bc by posting on TLS OP clearly wants to hear what other people have to say about the situation. Just trying to help OP out...


Sorry, thought you were flat out telling him to tell his SO to suck it up while he went to HYS. It seems like OP wants the best decision in a type of "in a vacuum" sort of way, and with personal decisions like this one, those just dont exist. Way too many variables to factor in.

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worldtraveler
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby worldtraveler » Sat Mar 02, 2013 5:21 pm

Live in NYC together, and get a commuter room near Yale so you can be near classes during the week. Go back and spend the weekend with your SO.

I know quite a few people doing something similar to that because they attend Berkeley and their SO is living and working in Palo Alto or the South Bay or somewhere that is just too far to commute from everyday.

dixiecupdrinking
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby dixiecupdrinking » Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:14 pm

I don't understand how OP went from wanting something "that HYS will give a significant boost with" to "I don't care what I do after graduating." How are these ideas compatible?

My impression is that you are overestimating how different your educational experience would be. Getting a JD, even at Yale, isn't like getting a PhD. Even if one school has a great faculty member or two in some specific area you're interested in, these schools are all going to be pretty great in all areas of the law, and you'll only have a relatively minor exposure to those profs anyway. It's really a generalist degree.

Based on what you've said I think it would probably not be worth going to HYS.

KillerGerbil
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby KillerGerbil » Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:28 pm

dixiecupdrinking wrote:I don't understand how OP went from wanting something "that HYS will give a significant boost with" to "I don't care what I do after graduating." How are these ideas compatible?


You misquoted me. I said I care much less about what I do after graduating than where I go to school. There is no contradiction. I have preferences, but I believe I would enjoy a legal career in almost all areas. My opinions/open mindedness may change as I begin to study law formally, and I recognize that if they do, HYS offers more options.

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Tom Joad
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Tom Joad » Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:38 pm

Also it depends on if you are married because then you could live together and that would be convenient. If it is just a finance or bf/gf then you would still have to live separately.

KillerGerbil
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby KillerGerbil » Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:39 pm

Tom Joad wrote:Also it depends on if you are married because then you could live together and that would be convenient. If it is just a finance or bf/gf then you would still have to live separately.


What century are you living in again? :lol:

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Tom Joad
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Re: Would you turn down HYS for SO & CCN

Postby Tom Joad » Sat Mar 02, 2013 6:41 pm

KillerGerbil wrote:
Tom Joad wrote:Also it depends on if you are married because then you could live together and that would be convenient. If it is just a finance or bf/gf then you would still have to live separately.


What century are you living in again? :lol:

21st actually. Last thing a lawyer needs is failing the bar because of fornication convictions.




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