ConfidenceMan2 wrote:What? Can you elaborate? As a married dude I cannot comprehend why 1) 1L would be different from having, say, a high-pressured and demanding job (I imagine it's less so than actually being a biglaw associate?) and 2) distance, particularly if you're married, would be an asset.
Genuinely curious to hear your thoughts. And if 1L was really that unique of a strain (not trying to belittle the strain of having huge work commitments, which is obviously nothing to sneeze at), well, maybe you could explain how you made it work. Tyia.
You're not asking me, but since I said basically the same thing, I'll elaborate. Law school is incredibly demanding of your time, even though you theoretically have lots of unscheduled time. Thus, if you're in the same place (maybe you just don't have this temptation) you tend to do more hanging out than you'd feel comfortable with given how much you need to do. This is heightened if law school was an economic decision (and also not a sure bet). Therefore, having some distance allows you to focus on your studies without having to worry about how your selfishness is affecting the relationship.
Also, 1L is different than a stressful job in at least one key respect. Depending on where you're in school, 6-8 exams will likely determine whether you can get not only the job you're looking for, but whether or not you may be mired in debt for years to come. When you have a job, there is a lot more stability. I understand that ITE, nobody is truly safe, but the pressure is different. Also, you have a schedule that is more or less that of a normal person (albeit with longer hours).
This is exactly how I would put it, and what I meant.
I had a nice, high(ish) power, demanding career before going to law school, and the two simply cannot be compared. I could leave my job at the office, and not worry too much (or, really, have a desire to discuss at length) what the next day would be like. With school, not only is there the pressure of exams coming up, all of which collectively determine your career trajectory after law school, but also a constant need to discuss and dissect what you're going through and what you're covering.
Plus, there's a bunker mentality in school; you make really close friends, really quickly, and all of you are sharing a pretty intense experience. There's no real way to explain to your wife (or husband, or SO, or whatever) what you're dealing with, and attempts usually don't go very well. This wasn't just my experience, but a lot of my friends as well. A certain amount of jealousy starts to develop, and that's never a good thing.
To clarify, though: I don't necessarily think distance when you're married is a good idea. If you're married, you're both in it for the long haul (or should be, at least), and need to go through that shit together. It sucks. It's hard on a relationship. Distance in a marriage does not make that easier.
OP has a SO, which (if you're married already, you know) is way different than a spouse. A SO usually doesn't have the mental permanency that a spouse does, and distance is an easier thing to make work. Of course, I didn't have that distance, and didn't have a SO, only had a wife, so what the fuck do I know?!