relationship stuff

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witticisms
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relationship stuff

Postby witticisms » Wed Jun 06, 2012 11:48 pm

My top choice is school A. Got accepted off waitlist to school B, which is considered a peer/relatively equal to A. School B is also near my significant other. A is far away.

Should I obviously go for school B, or should I go the more difficult long distance route for A?

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dingbat
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby dingbat » Wed Jun 06, 2012 11:51 pm

How significant is the significant other?
Unless marriage (or other form of lifelong relationship for those who refuse to wed) is a highly likely outcome, go to your preferred school

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fundamentallybroken
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby fundamentallybroken » Wed Jun 06, 2012 11:57 pm

I agree.

In fact, lawl school is the probably the only thing in life where having a little distance might actually be good for the relationship.

(I say this as someone who somehow managed to make his marriage actually last all the way through 1L. Not an easy thing to do.)

witticisms
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby witticisms » Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:00 am

dingbat wrote:How significant is the significant other?
Unless marriage (or other form of lifelong relationship for those who refuse to wed) is a highly likely outcome, go to your preferred school


Let's say that it is highly likely. That means I should go to my second choice?

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kalvano
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby kalvano » Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:03 am

Are the employment prospects any different between the two schools? For instance, does one feed a major market and the other is in the middle of nowhere?

witticisms
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby witticisms » Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:28 am

pretty much equal

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kalvano
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby kalvano » Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:35 am

Law school is only three years. A serious, serious relationship lasts much longer. Go with where the fiancé is.
Last edited by kalvano on Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

witticisms
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby witticisms » Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:44 am

Huh? Which are you recommending? You could say "law school is only three years" and you'll be together much longer, so go ahead and be apart those three years. Or you could say to be together those three and deal with it in order to nurture the relationship? Your last sentence wasn't clear.

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kalvano
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby kalvano » Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:46 am

Stupid iPhone. It was supposed to say "go with where the fiancé is."

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IAFG
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby IAFG » Thu Jun 07, 2012 12:46 am

Why do you prefer B over A?

acrossthelake
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby acrossthelake » Thu Jun 07, 2012 1:32 am

How equal is relatively equal? Why would you prefer A over B? If you're talking something akin to CLS vs UChicago and you prefer CLS cuz you don't like Hyde Park, but your SO is in Chicago and you're serious about the SO, I'd just stay in Chicago.

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Br3v
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby Br3v » Thu Jun 07, 2012 2:17 am

just say the schools.

There are a lot of witty people out there, we wont know which one you are.

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SaintsTheMetal
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby SaintsTheMetal » Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:03 am

Go where you wanna go, imho.

I did whatever the fuck I wanted and my girl followed me 3000 miles, so I think if its meant to work it'll work, if it doesnt oh well right?

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TyrionLannister
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby TyrionLannister » Thu Jun 07, 2012 4:21 am

witticisms wrote:My top choice is school A. Got accepted off waitlist to school B, which is considered a peer/relatively equal to A. School B is also near my significant other. A is far away.

Should I obviously go for school B, or should I go the more difficult long distance route for A?


SO = spouse, then B
SO =/= spouse, then A

/thread

ETA: "spouse" meaning currently married to, not "likely to marry" as suggested a few posts ago.

suzige
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby suzige » Thu Jun 07, 2012 7:49 am

Dear OP, I will probably be facing the same situation you are now in in a year's time (unless he pops the question before then).

Have you seriously discussed this with your significant other? Unless you both are in serious conversation and are planning to make it official (and when I say that, I mean you've talked about when--specific time, not vague terms--you both will get engaged, married, etc. and you've begun to discuss pulling your lives together in terms of finances, living arrangements, etc.), do what is best for you individually. I can't tell you how many times I've heard of one person in a relationship thinking things are getting serious when the other is just along for the ride. Law school is a commitment, too, and you don't want to end up making decisions that can affect the rest of your life based on lack of communication or assumptions.

This is for all the lovers out there: TALK TO EACH OTHER. I've found that usually in these sort of conundrums where the commitment is not officially established (i.e., no ring), doing what is best for YOU (not you as a couple, YOU as an individual) is the way to go.

If school A or B is what you want and will give you better opportunities down the line (and I want to assume that the school farther away was at once in your cards since you applied in the first place), regardless of what your significant other wants, do it. If one school over the other will give you better job prospects in the future, wouldn't that in the end be better for you and your sig other in the end, despite the distance you will experience for a few years?

I don't know if weekend visits would be a possibility with you both if you go farther away. If it is, take that into account for your discussions.

My sig other and I have spoken about this several times, and I'm lucky in that he's very supportive of whatever school I end up going to, regardless of distance. If you are both serious about the relationship, start making preparations now for keeping it strong.

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TyrionLannister
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby TyrionLannister » Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:45 am

Any reason why we can't know what schools you are talking about?

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dresden doll
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby dresden doll » Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:55 am

I'd like to know more about costs of school A vs. school B.

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thelaststraw05
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby thelaststraw05 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 10:58 am

I actually agree with a couple posts ago that says that distance might make it easier.

I say this as someone who just completed 1L with my wife 600 miles away.

FlanSolo
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby FlanSolo » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:10 am

How far away is far away? My SO and I just made it through 1L year being about 3.5-4 hours away by a (relatively) cheap train. We both got into where she wound up going, but decided this way would be best, and I think we made the right call. 1L is incredibly stressful (especially if you're a TLS-type person who puts a lot of pressure on yourself), so it's good to be able to have some space. The arrangement we had worked just about perfectly, I think. We were able to see each other basically any weekend we wanted to, and usually did. Further, because we were within train distance, we could work on the way to going to see each other, so we had more time to spend together on the weekend.

However, I was pretty close - and in fact had sent in a deposit - to a school that would have been a flight away, which would have made it very difficult to see each other frequently. We are both incredibly glad that I did not go there (it was also a good decision for other reasons, as well). Law school will put a very serious strain on your relationship because of the stress, so I think it was good for us to be able to have distance during the week (as much as it sucked), and be able to see each other on the weekend.

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dresden doll
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby dresden doll » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:15 am

I think relationships that benefit from the distance are realistically rare. I wouldn't be too quick to think of school B as a winner on all counts.

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ConfidenceMan2
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby ConfidenceMan2 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:18 am

fundamentallybroken wrote:I agree.

In fact, lawl school is the probably the only thing in life where having a little distance might actually be good for the relationship.

(I say this as someone who somehow managed to make his marriage actually last all the way through 1L. Not an easy thing to do.)


What? Can you elaborate? As a married dude I cannot comprehend why 1) 1L would be different from having, say, a high-pressured and demanding job (I imagine it's less so than actually being a biglaw associate?) and 2) distance, particularly if you're married, would be an asset.

Genuinely curious to hear your thoughts. And if 1L was really that unique of a strain (not trying to belittle the strain of having huge work commitments, which is obviously nothing to sneeze at), well, maybe you could explain how you made it work. Tyia.

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kalvano
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby kalvano » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:28 am

Law school sucks. The idea of having to deal with that and not being able to do stuff with the SO sounds even worse.

Also, 1L sucks. But it's no different than a regular job for the most part. If you can't maintain a relationship with someone that you care about during it, then actually being a lawyer will make you single for life.

FlanSolo
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby FlanSolo » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:32 am

ConfidenceMan2 wrote:What? Can you elaborate? As a married dude I cannot comprehend why 1) 1L would be different from having, say, a high-pressured and demanding job (I imagine it's less so than actually being a biglaw associate?) and 2) distance, particularly if you're married, would be an asset.

Genuinely curious to hear your thoughts. And if 1L was really that unique of a strain (not trying to belittle the strain of having huge work commitments, which is obviously nothing to sneeze at), well, maybe you could explain how you made it work. Tyia.


You're not asking me, but since I said basically the same thing, I'll elaborate. Law school is incredibly demanding of your time, even though you theoretically have lots of unscheduled time. Thus, if you're in the same place (maybe you just don't have this temptation) you tend to do more hanging out than you'd feel comfortable with given how much you need to do. This is heightened if law school was an economic decision (and also not a sure bet). Therefore, having some distance allows you to focus on your studies without having to worry about how your selfishness is affecting the relationship.

Also, 1L is different than a stressful job in at least one key respect. Depending on where you're in school, 6-8 exams will likely determine whether you can get not only the job you're looking for, but whether or not you may be mired in debt for years to come. When you have a job, there is a lot more stability. I understand that ITE, nobody is truly safe, but the pressure is different. Also, you have a schedule that is more or less that of a normal person (albeit with longer hours).

tigyrgrl
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby tigyrgrl » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:48 am

Go for school A. A lot of solid relationships succeed long distance. The ones that don't probably had major cracks to start with.

I may be biased in this. My husband and have been married four years and have only in the last 4 months been able to see each other more than a couple hours a week due to work, school, and life restrictions.

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1776
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Re: relationship stuff

Postby 1776 » Thu Jun 07, 2012 11:53 am

Choose the school you want to go to. You could break up and end up at a school you didn't really want to attend. Most relationships fail and few end in marriage. I wouldn't take staying together the next three years as a given.




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