How much will your SO factor into your law school decision? Forum

[Cupidity]

Don't live with your SO 1L. Ride the wave and do it 2L if it feels right.

What?

[Guchster]

This seems beyond usual TLS dickishness.

Repoasting to TLS what someone themselves wrote on TLS is beyond TLS dickishness? idongetit

[AreJay711]

Don't live with your SO 1L. Ride the wave and do it 2L if it feels right.

What?

I think I would have made fewer friends if my SO was here. I have no justification for the rest.

[tmon]

Don't live with your SO 1L. Ride the wave and do it 2L if it feels right.

What?

I think I would have made fewer friends if my SO was here. I have no justification for the rest.

If you have a SO that you're fully committed to, and they're moving to the same city that you are, I can't see it possibly making sense to live in different places. I guess if you're only somewhat committed and somehow both end up in the same place that's different, but if you both consciously made the decision to go to the same city/school you're probably in a very long-term relationship.

[AreJay711]

Don't live with your SO 1L. Ride the wave and do it 2L if it feels right.

What?

I think I would have made fewer friends if my SO was here. I have no justification for the rest.

If you have a SO that you're fully committed to, and they're moving to the same city that you are, I can't see it possibly making sense to live in different places. I guess if you're only somewhat committed and somehow both end up in the same place that's different, but if you both consciously made the decision to go to the same city/school you're probably in a very long-term relationship.

True. We are in different cities. I just think it was the right call.

[JamMasterJ]

I think I would have made fewer friends if my SO was here. I have no justification for the rest.

If you have a SO that you're fully committed to, and they're moving to the same city that you are, I can't see it possibly making sense to live in different places. I guess if you're only somewhat committed and somehow both end up in the same place that's different, but if you both consciously made the decision to go to the same city/school you're probably in a very long-term relationship.

True. We are in different cities. I just think it was the right call.

I think your situation is a bit different than the majority of the people ITT. Caring about them and not wanting to be far away is a lot different than choosing a place in part because it's a decision about where (s)he is going to live for the next 3+ years.

[DaftAndDirect]

Not to brag/seem like a life-ruining douchebag holding back my amazing bf,

My SO is turning down $45k at Michigan to come to BU/BC. No word on $$ from the Boston schools yet, but if we don't break $20k year he is just going to take the year off.

How long have you guys been dating? That's one hell of a commitment.

It will be 5yrs by that point. He's hard-science patent bar eligible, so the placement stat differences aren't quite as severe as they would be if he were just some philosophy major looking for BigLaw Corporate/Lit.

I lol'd at "just some philosophy major"

[kerflux]

I should probably add that she's not taking a year off to be with me specifically. She's doing that because she's burnt out on school and doesn't want to pursue graduate studies just yet. I also have told her about my concerns, and she still hopes that I'll reconsider. The honest truth is that I still love her in many ways; I'm just not really attracted to her anymore (or have I ever been)? Maybe it's because I'm a dude, but the whole idea of committing to something long term just doesn't gel. Even if I've already committed for 3 years.

Sac up and dump her.

I hear you, man. I was in a nearly 4 year relationship that lasted most of college and up until this past December. We lived together through most of college, and then lived together this past year while we worked. It was a hard thing to do, because I did love her in many ways...but I just knew that I was dragging her along, which isn't fair to her. It takes a lot of nuts to break up with someone you've been together with for that long, actually some people just commit to getting married in that situation because they don't know much else. I just knew that there had to be something better out there for the both of us. So I moved out, and even offered to pay my half of rent up until the end of our lease. We have a dog together, and sometimes talk on the phone, but it's done. I pretty much felt the same way as you. It sucks at first, but you gotta let her go. If you really love her, you can't mess with her emotions anymore.

To the OP: Up until the break up, we had been planning to move away together for school. Luckily, she was pretty mobile. So having to plan out some sort of logistical nightmare wasn't really something we had to worry about. It was pretty much me going to school where I wanted, and she would move there with me.

How did you know you were completely burnt out on the relationship and not just feeling antsy?

[Perdevise]

My SO is playing a big part. Shes an art major (I know, I know) and is a) afraid to move significant distances from where she grew up and b) needs to be in a place with a relatively large market to increase her chances at a job. I'm a little more willing to broaden my net a little bigger, and have some decent offers from places in OH (im from Northeastern PA). She thinks OH is the land of rednecks and boredom, and I feel like she is being unreasonable to the whole state. Not saying that the OH schools are even where I want to go, I just feel like shes limiting how much im considering these schools.

There are some nice urban areas in Ohio. Columbus is pretty cosmopolitan, and Cincinnati has some really quality neighborhoods and a redeveloping urban core.

My fiancee and I are getting married in June, and we will be packing up for Palo Alto together. She is wrapping up grad school right now, and will hopefully find something gainful.

[splitbrain]

Ex-SO broke up with me after they went off to a TTTT @ sticker and noticed that I wasn't offering much support in their decision...thank God/Satan/Cthulu (and TLS) for that

Edit: and to OP, I wouldn't worry too much about a compromise. Just be sure either side isn't sacrificing too much for a specific choice. Do the Liz Lemon pro/con list.

[cdelgado]

My SO is a major part of my law school search. We will both be relocating to a new city. She will be attending grad school while I am in law school.

[c3pO4]

I had this exact situation. First thing I'd say is don't decide for your SO what's best for her. If she is saying go wherever, and you are saying you want to go to W&M, then there's your answer.

Also, I think the ATL job market (law and non-law) is a lot worse than you think. I'd much rather go to a school in Virginia which travels north better, than go to a school in ATL.

[abbottsbar]

A combination of my wife and very flexible employment that is still going to pay me while I'm in law school were the dominating factors in choosing my school.

My wife is in a top graduate program with one year left, and I didn't want to leave her and go halfway across the country.

[005618502]

Interesting. I am in a somewhat similar situation except that I have already committed to UVA. Now my SO is trying to decide to take a position about 2 and 1/2 to 3 hours away where the starting pay is around 50K or come to Charlottesville and try to find something (likely to pay MUCH less). Having 2 rents would sucks, making that commute every weekend would suck, and I feel like if she was there I would be less social and party less (probably a very good thing for my grades).

Anyone have any opinions on this? Yes, we will end up together and could tuff out the long distance though our happiness level would be much lower if she took the away job, but the pay would be much higher. Pretty hard decision.

If you could not quote this I would appreciate it

[abbottsbar]

Assumption - has your SO looked in Richmond? There's a broader job market than in C'ville, and it's only an hour away. Also, depending on your willingness to commute, you all could look for housing that would split the difference.

[Perdevise]

Maybe try to calculate how much the better paying job would leave you after accounting for two rents, commuting to see each other.

ETA: Sorry, didn't see.

[20130312]

Maybe try to calculate how much the better paying job would leave you after accounting for two rents, commuting to see each other.

*poof*

[005618502]

Assumption - has your SO looked in Richmond? There's a broader job market than in C'ville, and it's only an hour away. Also, depending on your willingness to commute, you all could look for housing that would split the difference.

Do you think it would be a bad idea for me to live 30-40 mins away from the law school (if she found something in Richmond and we lived in between?)

[005618502]

Maybe try to calculate how much the better paying job would leave you after accounting for two rents, commuting to see each other.

ETA: Sorry, didn't see.

Thank you!

I mean basically after the difference in 2 rents and commuting she would have about 10,000-15,000 a year more with the job that is away. I guess we just have to decide if our happiness level and QOL is worth letting suffer for that amount of money. In the grand scheme I dont know how much the money should play but more the further job will put her in a better position to continue her career when we leave VA.

[Drake014]

I should probably add that she's not taking a year off to be with me specifically. She's doing that because she's burnt out on school and doesn't want to pursue graduate studies just yet. I also have told her about my concerns, and she still hopes that I'll reconsider. The honest truth is that I still love her in many ways; I'm just not really attracted to her anymore (or have I ever been)? Maybe it's because I'm a dude, but the whole idea of committing to something long term just doesn't gel. Even if I've already committed for 3 years.

Break up with her.

nah, stay with her and expand your horizons at the same time.

--ImageRemoved--

[abbottsbar]

Assumption - from what I've heard, it would be a lifestyle choice. It would require you to be disciplined and organized if you lived that far away from campus. One of the attorneys I work with said that several of his friends commuted over 30 minutes to law school each day, arriving before their fist class, doing assignments during any downtime, and then commuting back in the evening. They treated it like a 7-6 job.

[005618502]

Assumption - from what I've heard, it would be a lifestyle choice. It would require you to be disciplined and organized if you lived that far away from campus. One of the attorneys I work with said that several of his friends commuted over 30 minutes to law school each day, arriving before their fist class, doing assignments during any downtime, and then commuting back in the evening. They treated it like a 7-6 job.

Thats true. I guess it it definitely something to think about. I guess she should definitely start looking in Richmond. It cant hurt

[CattyPake]

I am most likely going to attend University of Minnesota instead of Cornell because of my SO. He's going to grad school and Minn is a MUCH better option for him than Cornell. Minn gave me $72,000 and I assume that by going to such a good school for his concentration, he would have the opportunity to earn more as well. Also, Minneapolis is a large city so we would be able to avoid the awkward gap between when I graduate and when he does. Also, I wouldn't have to relocate for summer positions. We did long distance for a couple years and it was not fun. Also, neither of us want to live in NYC.

I'm pretty sure this is the right choice but the emphasis that TLS places on the T14 does make me wish that there was a way Cornell could work for the both of us.
Anyone want to reassure me that I've decided rightly?

[crossarmant]

I am most likely going to attend University of Minnesota instead of Cornell because of my SO. He's going to grad school and Minn is a MUCH better option for him than Cornell. Minn gave me $72,000 and I assume that by going to such a good school for his concentration, he would have the opportunity to earn more as well. Also, Minneapolis is a large city so we would be able to avoid the awkward gap between when I graduate and when he does. Also, I wouldn't have to relocate for summer positions. We did long distance for a couple years and it was not fun. Also, neither of us want to live in NYC.

I'm pretty sure this is the right choice but the emphasis that TLS places on the T14 does make me wish that there was a way Cornell could work for the both of us.
Anyone want to reassure me that I've decided rightly?

People may complain about you choosing Minn over Cornell, but honestly, if you're in a committed relationship that you foresee being permanent, enjoy Minneapolis, and are getting a good amount of money... Don't even second guess it. I think you made the right choice.

[005618502]

I am most likely going to attend University of Minnesota instead of Cornell because of my SO. He's going to grad school and Minn is a MUCH better option for him than Cornell. Minn gave me $72,000 and I assume that by going to such a good school for his concentration, he would have the opportunity to earn more as well. Also, Minneapolis is a large city so we would be able to avoid the awkward gap between when I graduate and when he does. Also, I wouldn't have to relocate for summer positions. We did long distance for a couple years and it was not fun. Also, neither of us want to live in NYC.

I'm pretty sure this is the right choice but the emphasis that TLS places on the T14 does make me wish that there was a way Cornell could work for the both of us.
Anyone want to reassure me that I've decided rightly?

People may complain about you choosing Minn over Cornell, but honestly, if you're in a committed relationship that you foresee being permanent, enjoy Minneapolis, and are getting a good amount of money... Don't even second guess it. I think you made the right choice.

I second this