Unlike most people that try and pull off a highly stylized personal statement, for the most part yours works. It's clear from this statement that you are a capable writer, and this is not, as so often occurs in personal statements, a case of someone using big words or complex syntax just to make themselves sound impressive (and ultimately coming off as the opposite. being able to use the thesaurus =/= intelligent). You know how to use a semi-colon, which is good (although I don't think you need to use one four times in the first paragraph). The problem in most cases when people aim high is that they are completely incapable of reaching the goal at which they are grasping. That is not the problem here.
I agree with the person above - the "Thanks for your time" is an odd conclusion to me. I kind of understand what you're going for, but it still seems like an abrupt conclusion, and one that is somewhat out of sorts with the carefully controlled voice that characterizes the rest of your piece.
It also kind of brings me to my other point, which is that it might, in some ways, be too well-written. Most of what I've heard from adcomms is that they kind of ask themselves "Would I like to hang out with this guy?" In this case, it almost comes off as if you're trying too hard, and the "Thanks for your time" seems an attempt to posit yourself as superior to the adcomm, a position I don't think any of them would like to be put in by an applicant's personal statement.
My advice is to tone down the style a little bit, and make it sound less like a carefully-crafted, prosaic, written piece, and more like something you would actually say to an adcomm if they asked you "why do you want to go to law school?" It's not that your style is bad - it's actually very good. But I'd be kind of worried that the committee will end up thinking "Wow, this guy's a douche" instead of "Wow, this guy knows how to write." Keep in mind that creative writing is, in 99% of the cases, not something that is useful to a lawyer. This type of statement might work better for an undergraduate personal statement, but for a law school application, I think it's not quite "professional" enough.
Obviously, these are just my thoughts, and I can't claim to know everything - or even anything, really - about admissions committees, the rest of your application, your resume, your personality, etc. Take everything with a grain of salt, and feel free to ignore everything I just said.