Can you sell me on a few suggestions? Is there a better strategy than throwing grapeshot at the 20-50 range?
Because of your extremely low GPA, there isn't really an effective strategy beyond the shotgun approach. Apply as broadly as you can, especially to schools where your LSAT is above median (no school is going to take you where you're below median in both numbers like that).
If you can afford it, you should apply to every school you named, including the "should I throw these in too" schools. You're probably out at the biggest reaches (UIUC and Ohio State, like Desert Fox mentioned) but you'll never know if you don't try. There's just not that much data out there on extreme (<3.0) splitters to predict anything about what specific schools will and won't take you, and honestly at that point it probably comes down to softs and how much they need your LSAT.
Since you can't know which schools are going to value those more right now, your best shot is to just apply to as many schools where your LSAT is at/above median as you can, and see who takes you. For that reason I'd suggest applying to every school you asked about, they're all in the possible
range of schools you might get into, and worth an app fee if you really want into the best law school you can get.
Also, BearDownChicago is full of shit, don't listen to anything he says.